Carpe Diem

175th Post

2006-01-15T17:21:00.000+08:00

NEW BLOG.
GO GO GO. RELINK

http://coloredgrey-.blogspot.com

clapyourhands; the things I'll never say.

HAH. =D

174th Post

2006-01-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

I'm addicted.

2 Ashaway Groovepowers, one with orange grip, the other with black - what a way to start the year.

Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's goin' on,
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend.

I just want some fun, get it? I wanna dance. I wanna let my ped-up frustration to be released. I want to run down the streets shouting vulgarities because it feels good. I want to sin because it feels good. I want to regain my authority to love. I want to feel love boil inside of me just as much as anger.

I want to steal people.

I want to taste and make people suffer.

I'm losing control myself. That's bad. My wild side is coming out. My sinful side.

I didnt steal your boyfriend.

`ashy smiles sweetly`

I want to show someone this side of me.

173th Post

2006-01-03T05:30:00.000+08:00

I love eeyang's new blog song. -_______________________-

Anyway, I know it's quite late for this but I have to thank a few people. =D

in no random order.

1. Natalie - for being a GREAT advisor but she's the BEST when she's pmsing that period because her advice is exactly what I want to do and I'm currently doing now. =D The thing is she sorta took back her words so I'm not supposed to follow it? I guess. =D but who cares. I'm daoing all the stupid people. =D
- She motivated me and pacified me when I got super duper pissed, but tell you a secret. *nat scares me* She's too perfect. -___________________- and and when she pacifies me, she gets irritated with the people who pissed me off so she sorta shares the burden. hahhah then I end up pacifying her and myself. =D
- I realise that life isn't a compeition so eh. I was studying so hard to beat her but at End of Years, I just couldn't be bothered and I messed EOYS up, but I have to thank her because the first part of the year was good, mostly thanks to her. =D
- I like spending 1h 45 minutes at the pool trying to get on the dolphin with her and yelling at each other and apologizing and laughing secretly when I realised I've kicked her leg or whatever. HAHAHHHAHAHA
- I like the fact that she's probably getting damn pissed off with this. HAHAHAHAHA
- Oh yah. I like telling her that I like his cute perky butt. HAHAHAHHA OMG OMG. IM DYING WITH LAUGHTER.
- MY BEST FRIEND. HAHAHAH. funky eh? I want my middle name to be NATALIE!

2. God - Well... I just wanna thank Him like mad and hug Him! =D He was there throughout the saddest period in 2005 and comforted me with His presense. He touched me deeply and brought me into a great revelation about who I actually am and that SOMEBODY loves me that much. And and bringing so much joy into my life and helping me overcome every obstacles in my life. =D I love Him.

3. Beehiang - Are you surprised to see your name THIRD. lol. It's a GRAND position. =D hahah. Okay. eh. I wanna thank Beehiang for calling me a wonderful pig and thanking God for that.
"ashleen ; cheerful,loud!thank god for creating such a wonderful pig!" quotes Beehiang
*She'll die today. Just remember to attend her funeral. =D
- She's a great friend and teammate, through and through. I love the way she always greets me on MSN though 10% of the time or make that 0.1% of the time I greet her first.
- I used to dislike her, but I guess time changes it all. I discovered that she has a great personality. and I like the way she just keeps motivating me on, pushing me forward.
- Sometimes I do get pissed with her, but I don't dare anymore, because she gets paranoid and I'm like freaked out. =D
- I like the way how she yells at me when I've successfully pranked her with the stupid call. -_________________________-
- She also helps me analyses my game though 0.1% of the time, I'll do that. =D
- SHE IS MY GOOD GOOD FRIEND.

4. Jemima - It seems as if I show my dislike towards you towards the end of the year too much, but hey, I just want EVERYBODY to know, I love you as a great friend! =D I mean it might seem that I hate you or something but nope, it's just that I guess.... it's my fault, I've been gossiping way too much. I've been focusing too much on your flaws but hey, I realised that you really have a great personality and well... I love you just the way you are, flaws and all. So I would like to thank you so much for always being there for me, even though you know I only run to you when Nat ignores me or gets pissed with me, but our friendship is not just that. It's gonna elevate to a greater height. =D Thank you so much, dear.

*warning: I'm not lesbian and I repeat, I promise I kill*

5. Changzhong - Aren't you surprised your name popped out here! lol I mean like you are probably the person whom I have a dislike, neutral friendship with. hahahha. You know... I guess I really want to thank you for always being there though I get irritated with you many many times and I don't understand why. But you are a great friend and I didn't realise it until the day you started pms-ing on me, I got really scared. hahahha. I'm really sorry about that anyway. But I'm just scared, I'm scared that I can't return the great gift ahemlikeahemnessahem to you.
- I thank you for tolerating me so much because I dao you 70% of the time and I know that. =P
- I thank you for telling me your stupid perverted stories and how you always tease me about the BIGnose, cute perky butt guy and the stupid flirt.
- My good GOOD FRIEND. =P

6. My mummy. hahah. I wont say so much since she wont read this. =P

7. HOHO! - OMG I still love him. Can you believe me? HAHAHAH. Okay, never mind. =P Joking okay! hahaha
- I thank him for giving me the one of the bestest best period in my entire life though it just has to end... I don't mind the ending though. =D
- A great senior to me but sometimes, he's just so insensitive you wanna kill him. =D
- I like the way he teaches me about mensuration and yelling at me for not knowing what a freakin sphere is. =D
- I like the way how he's so completely blur and irritating and stuff.
- AND I LIKE HIS BIG NOSE ! =D hozienozie! HHAHAHAHAH. someone ask him to read my blog pleasee! =D I betcha he'll give me the FAT FACE. HAHAHAHAHAHA

8. Alina - my dear dear teammate. I love her man, so cute and all. =D hahahah. She's really nice though, motivating when things turn wrong in the team and yup, cheering me on. =D THANK YOU DAHLING. =D

9. Yuanyi - my dear partner in crime. -______________________- never bring back the taiwanese sausage for me! =( She's really a motivator though, because half the time I get pissed off with myself on court and I think her job on court is more of pacifying me then playing. heheh
- I love her for bringing INUYASHA to my life =D and talking about tactics for one hour though we forget everything by the next day. =D

10. Eeyang, Nicole, Lili, Mingming - BEST TEAMMATES IN THE WORLD. =D

11. Ruiqi - LOVE YOU dahling! =D for everything on BUS 67! the way of communication. =D AHAHAHHAHA

12. NYBT - BEST TEAM IN THE WORLD!

13. Everybody I missed out which is everybody but whatever. Heheh. =P

OKay, it's 6am already, have to change so yepp. gotta change and go to school and mess up my entire day. =D

you know you love me.
ashy.

172th Post

2006-01-03T05:18:00.000+08:00

why does eeyang always get such nice songs?

`ashy frowns`

=D hello. The time right now is 5.20am and I've been awake since 1.45am. Obviously, I'm suffering from major jet lag because it's like... 12 midnight in Greece but whatever. I'll just die later during training and die the whole freakin way.

`ashy grins widely`

lovely.

tomorrow's nicole's birthday. hahahah. I didn't buy anything for her! HAHAHAH. oh no. eh how? lol. =D

I guess I'm super hyper right now, thanks to my inadequate amount of sleep.

Anyway I had FUN in Rome, Venice and Greece. =D

lovely.

and my fart chased away some customer from my favourite shop in Greece. HAHAH. It was super duper funny. =D

I'll blog about my holidays another day. I think. =D

Oh yes. My new year resolutions. =D

1. Stop going all mean and stuff. No vulgarities. =)
2. Obtain a almost perfect weight of 50kg *warning: do not ask me how heavy I am, I promise I kill*
3. A waist of 25 inches
4. Not get jealous when people get what I want
5. Not get a boyfriend, but still make myself attractive and LOVELY *which I already am, so half is fulfiled =D*
6. Run 2.4km in 12.20s or less
7. Join choir ministry *don't laugh. I can sing alright!*
8. Help Jasmine more in the cell group *She's really busy*
9. Finish reading the Bible by the end of the year
10. Not mess up on court so much *in other words, do my best*
11. Correct my English *it's atrocious*
12. Get my accent right
13. Do my BEST in my studies *which means 100% and not 30% -_________-*
14. Not compare with others (particularly Nat) so much
15. Mix less with the RI gang *they're bad company, except for a few =D*
16. Bring at least 5 people to church
17. Sleep by 10.30pm *which I obviously didn't last night8
18. Save at least... $150 by the end of the year
19. Lose my temper less *Anger is exhausting and plain awful*
20. Love God and my family MORE! =D

171th Post

2006-01-01T17:16:00.000+08:00

IM BACK! =D

LOVE YA ALL. eh. blog later? =D

170th Post

2005-12-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

HOHOHO. MERRY CHRISTMAS! =D

This is probably my last post before I'm off to Italy, unless I decide to post on Wed or Thurs. (:
Yup.. my summary for this year. (: / ):

This year has been eventful but at the same time, I would like to think... painful. Perhaps it's due to my immature nature when facing such problems and etc. I won't deny that it's probably the best year I've ever had in my entire life and I admit, I'm afraid to face 2006. What new challenges would arrive? What problems would enter? But most of all, how much more pain am I going to experience.

Yes, this is the way God molds each and everyone of us into a better creature, forming a true Jesus-like character out of us.

But still I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I might not have enough faith to pull through.

that I might not have enough determination to run the race.

that I might stumble and fall badly.

I fell badly this last few months. So badly that I've lost count of the number times I've cried for everything that has been happening to me.

Praise the LORD that I've supportive friends, Changzhong, Beehiang, Mingming, Natalie, Junyi, Pheobe, Jemima, Alina, Eeyang and well... in the earlier part of the year, Kelvin. But also not forgetting Zhi Jie. hahah (:

I learnt from this deep wound I had that... I had to stand firm, pick myself up, stop crying and well... just move on. Not that I've completely gotten over it but I guess I'll just leave it as it is? Perhaps it wasn't meant for an end? But really, I guess I'm not willing to carry it into the next year with me? But then again... I really ought to make use of this few days in Italy to really relax and well... just enjoy life without worrying that much about anything that happens in Singapore.

You know... all of the sudden. I just wish someone could hug me really hard. It can be on the internet, by sms or even better, reality... I really wish that someone could tell me that you know... I'm the only one in their eyes. WOW. lol.

I'm like laughing.
hahahaha

And well... I feel like crying. Perhaps I'll forget every single unhappy thing that happened this year and well... really move on!

I FEEL LIKE LAUGHING

LIKE A MAD COW.

Perhaps then... I'll laugh away all my worries and discomfort.

I'm laughing.

I love myself please.

169th Post

2005-12-19T10:55:00.000+08:00

I FEEL LIKE SO MESSED UP.

the blog is like dying.

well done ash. (:

but so is so many others.

I'm getting a new racket I hope. I think I am getting a new racket. BLAH.

I'm pmsing. ahhhh. I'm like so irritated. SOOO IRRITATED.

my tummy hurts. like fat cows.

and I think I've just grown fatter due to excessive eating of Famous Amos cookies.

delicious.

I havent finish my fish-ing math homework and haven't even started with the commonwealth essay. and OM is just as shyted as ever.

WHAT @)*#)(@&$_@&$*(@&q_$_)q*w$)8QW04800 (use your imagination) is this?

BLAH.

stupid maths.

do you know how much I hate maths?!

and you know why?

Because I keep messing up on the volume of the cylinder. Oh man. I need a life and it's suppose to be the HOLIDAYS. Holidays DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT consist of HOMEWORK.

Service was candle light. Lotsa candles *obviously* `ashy rolls her eyes`

ah. I love it. bright. very bright.

and I'm not MANLY. damnnit. I mean like MAX COMPLIMENTED ME SAYING that FIRST TIME I look so girly.

-_______________________-

and I can double absolutely confirm that I'm totally straight, not a least bit of man in me. AH.

and I'm not tomboyish. darn.

Hey, how long till the music drowns you out?
Don't put words up in my mouth,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Hey, how long till you face what's goin' on,
Cause you really got it wrong,
I didn't steal your boyfriend,
Well I'm sorry,
That he called me,
And that I answered the telephone,
Don't be worried,
I'm not with him,
And when I go out tonight,
I'm going home alone,
Just got back from my tour,
I'm a mess girl for sure,
All I want is some fun,
Guess that I'd better run,
Hollywood sucks you in,
But it won't spit me out,
Whoa, Whoa, HA

Thanks to my maybe-still-considering-brother, I'm absolutely obsessed (and obese) with this song, boyfriend by Ashlee Simpson. Although I still don't understand how Hung Up is nice. This is better. =D

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON YOUR NUMBER ONE NOT HUNG UP!!

AH. (: this song also at the same time reconfirms my sexuality since it's BOYFRIEND and not GIRLFRIEND. argh. Tiffany can just stop accusing me of being lesbian.

Chazngzhong says that I'm not serious. ah. life isn't supposed to be all serious. oh please. and I'm straight and super duperly girly. I like played with barbie dolls ( and gave them a good haircut; bald ) soo you see. I'm ultraly duperly straight (:

ah. bible study. byee. =D

168th Post

2005-12-13T17:36:00.000+08:00

Booo. What am I feeling right now?

Boredom.

- Understandable, especially with the homework load. Homework's rubbish.

Worry.

- Did you really mean what you said? Or was it someone else?

Blehh. I wonder why I feel worried. I wonder why I even care. Booo. I'm not supposed to care you see. I don't really feel any loss if there is. I want to be able to ignore people who aren't that close to me and throw them aside when I want to. But problem is... I can't for now.

I keep thinking.

I wonder why I care.

But I realised that the people I don't want to enter my life have slowly walked into it without a warning. Is that how life is supposed to be?

"3) i didn't sleep with zhijie during the chalet. i slept on him."

- Luckily, there's Louis around. I'm still amused.

167th Post

2005-12-13T15:56:00.000+08:00

You Are a Good Girl

You are 70% Good and 30% BadGenerally speaking, you're a very good girl.(But you don't have us totally fooled!)

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

166th Post

2005-12-13T15:33:00.000+08:00

Your French Name is:

Noella Gibert

What's" Your French Name?

Hmm... Noelle. Nice.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things.Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life.You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation.

You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon.Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall.You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others.

At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults.Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion.A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

165th Post

2005-12-12T19:38:00.001+08:00

Just read her entry and I believe that I should at least try to clear a few things up for her. =D

I agree with you in some way because some people do use it as a emotional support, but not everyone you see.

You see. Not all people really do go to church because they know that God will help them. The thing is, I, as a Christian, go for the purpose of praising and worshipping Him and also to fellowship at the same time. You see... I already know that He'll help me solve all problems whether I go to church or not. For me personally, I go to church because it seems that when we worship as a congregation, His presense is stronger than ever. I'm not saying that His presense isn't strong when I do my Quiet Time at home but it's more of... it's stronger. You know?

The fact is... that I know He is there. I know I have to have faith in Him and I can do that. But the problem is... it isn't as easy as said. It takes courage to have faith, to trust in Him. So I'm beginning to have increasing faith in Him and to trust that He will help me in times of need.

You see. The pastor probably prayed for the people for increasing faith in Him. It's written in the bible that all we have to do is believe and it shall be done. But as I've said earlier... it's tough sometimes. Especially when everything is going wrong. Naturally, I'll feel let down by God and at that moment nothing matters anymore except myself. At that moment, I don't have the energy to have faith anymore. I'm serious. lol. It sounds weird and wrong, but I'm serious. It's really hard to have faith... especially if you had faith for quite a while but then nothing happens.

God works in different ways you see.

And yeah, I agree with you. Somehow, God is our emotional support. That's why I have a benefit over the world of non-Christians, I have something to believe in but most importantly, I know He is there. I know that I can keep on the faith and that can be further more confirmed in His word.

Anyway, the verse is... "When you believe, everything is possible."

165th Post

2005-12-12T19:38:00.000+08:00

164th Post

2005-12-11T20:55:00.001+08:00

I realised this few days that I've been so caught in some things that I've forgotten about my Father.

Then it was today's service.

It was our first service in Expo. I don't know why but in this particular place, I feel a tangible presense of Him.

But before I continue, thank you Eeyang for your song in your blog. As I listen to it, my heart warms. I'm crying as I write this and also smiling.

Thank you for always being there Lord.

The new church hall was squeezy but that wasn't important. As we started praising Lord with the song, "We Will Shine" by True Worshippers... I just felt this strong presense of Him. I felt that He was there. There and then, I realise that I had forgotten about Him. I had forgotten to honour my time with Him even though He continue to honour me throughout every single day of my life.

We later worshipped Him. He will always be there for me, despite it all. He said it in His word. How could I have forgotten? How could I have forsaken Him when He never ever gave up on me despite His last moments on the Cross? Why did I fear? Why did I not have faith? Was I truly not convinced by His love?

It's unexplanable, but... during worship, I just felt so tremendously touched by Him. He hadn't forsaken me. He didnt leave me when I felt bitter... when I felt sad. He was there, comforting me... just that... I was too busy crying to notice. I have forgotten about Him. I have forgotten that He was there, standing by me, telling me not to cry, telling me that everything will be alright. I forgotten how He saw me through that terrible period after he told me the truth. He saw me cry my heart out for him. He saw it all. But I just never noticed.

I thank Lord for being always there for me.

For loving me despite all my sins.

For standing in front of me, shielding and protecting me from the devil.

For understanding me without needing to ask any questions.

For comforting me and ensuring me that everything is alright.

For not forskaing me.

Father, I love you, I love you, I love you.

And here I am, bowed down at your knees. I don't ever wanna lose you again. I'm gonna be disciplined. I'm gonna honour you.

Thank you for your love.

Thank you for not forsaking me.

No one else or no object will ever take your place anymore.

I'm gonna grow in you, Lord. I'm gonna grow in you.

The message was about Fear. I took quite a lot of notes on it. But in short I would just like to summarize this...

Fear is the strongest negative emotion that one can ever experience. But the only way to overcome fear ( = failure of not succeeding) is to have FAITH. Faith works by love and love IS God.

So Friends, all we have to do is TRUST in the Lord. We have to be convinced by His love for us to have such faith. Faith is seeing the invisible, believing the invincible, but also receiving the impossible. Jesus knew of God's love that why He had confidence, that's why He had faith, that's why He was willing to die on the cross for us. He knew that was what He was supposed to do, but was it super duper confirm that He was going to rise up three days later? No.

But you see Friends, Jesus, our saviour had faith. He had faith that the Lord would bring Him back. He knew that God will never forsake Him. He knew that He just had to have the faith. He just had to keep moving forward, doing God's will for Him.

He knew of God's love for Him.

164th Post

2005-12-11T20:55:00.000+08:00

163th Post

2005-12-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

Natalie has a NEW blogskin. =D

Wahahahhah. Notice that her 'doesn't really like' section are filled with with things that have a relation with the opposite sex. XP no offense Nat. =P Just an observation I've made. heeehh.

Had a long talk with her last night until we lost track of time. It was really FUNNY! Talking about the events which occured in primary school, I wished so much that I hadn't been such a bitch and abuse my authority blah blah. But I still have to admit that I was rather pretty in primary one and two. Hhahahahah XD Just kidding. =P

But it had been fun, especially with Grace, Leo Huang, Ryan, Teng Hui, Bookshop Aunty, Tai Lao Shi and *reluctantly* Soon Teck `ashy frowns`.

Yupyup. =D hahahha that was why I had eyebags in the morning. =( Ahhahahah. XP
Like I really care.

And as Nat had posted, I've agreed to join the ABF club. `ashy nods seriously` Don't EVER underestimate it alright! This club is so prestigious that only Nat and I are in. Obviously, she's the chairwoman and founder and I'm an OM (Ordinary Member) but I'm working my way up. =D

Went shopping last night. Delicious.

I LOVE my new clothes.

Just that I really need MORE clothes. =D

Blah. My mother has just asked me to sort out my entire wardrobe. *which is practically filled with very few clothes*

Yeah. So I have to go. =D byeeee.

162th Post

2005-12-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

I'm LOVED.

161th Post

2005-12-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

People are just so weird.

They don't appreciate stuff until they are gone.

Which is exactly what I'm feeling right now.

And I notice this feeling only arrives when I'm feeling tired or miserable.

Oh great. Then the other part of the time is spent trying to make myself tired so that I can forget about it all. Eeyang will probably tell me "well done."

` ashy rolls her eyes at herself `

This has never sucked more before. Crystal is super right about this. The more I try to forget, the more I remember. But the thing is... I keep forcing myself to forget stuff. I don't know what is this but yeah... I know it's foolish and many say it'll go away after a while, then I want to ask them...

how long does it take to get it off me?

I can't stand it anymore. I'm freaking tired of it. Why can't I just care about nothing? Can I not be so emotional?

But yeah, I guess I should just trust God and drown myself on my bed. That'll save me a lot of trouble.

i don't wanna work tomorrow. ah. shoots.

160th Post

2005-12-06T18:31:00.000+08:00

Booo. I have a blister on my right foot. I really need new court shoes. blehh. =// so TIRED! hahhhhah. Training was weird today. I don't know why. Tiffany came back but we hardly talked to each other. Then we ran 10 rounds around the level. It was quite alright I guess but it was quite boring since we just kept running the same route. boooo.

Next we had some running drills and I had gastic. Wah. At first I thought it was tummy ache then I realised that it wasn't. Blahh.

159th Post

2005-12-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

I've just got a fiancial blessing from my mother!

She said it was for my this week's maintance. lolx. PRAISE THE LORD! This is really a blessing from Him. =D You see yesterday, I was hesitating whether to give my building fund and when I finally decided to, I was hesitating whether I should give an offering but sadly, I had no 2 dollars in my wallet only 5 dollars. So I just held on to faith that God would bless me back. And I was not disappointed! He blessed me back FOUR FOLD! woots.

I love JESUS!

And I'm proud of myself today! I had self-control! =D

But the talk with my new super duper nice senior Crystal made me realise that... all these people aren't just worth it. heehheh.

I went to Tampines Sports Hall today! And watch pros display their pro-ful skills. =D hahhah. I'm impressed tremendously. Boooo. Yuanyi and I are playing on wednesday! For NYBT, we'll get through the first round and play our best!

158th Post

2005-12-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

I'M OFFICALLY BAPTIZED. =D

hahahh. I'm a proud citizen of God's kingdom and have done my first physical act of obedience towards Him. Not that I wasn't before, but it seems more right after getting baptized. =D

hahahah. I'm weird. I was kinda shivering and all while approaching the water. I was scared! lolx. I mean... I don't know... while worshipping God, I felt a tangible presense of the Holy Spirit. It was like HE was there. and probably... He was there... trying to comfort me. I was THAT nervous. lolx. And I've no idea why. Then I suddenly lost it all... cause my thoughts just started straying. =//

Oh well... hahaha XP

Then we had service. =D Praise was great as usual but worship... it was Extraordinary. I don't know... was it my imagination?

but... I had this thing once again placed in front of me as I close my eyes and worship...

Jesus stood in front blocking me from the devil, dark dark and all.

Satan asked... "Why do you care about this child? Why protect her? She's a sinner... not worthy of you"

But Jesus answered something that really touched my heart. "She's mine and I would protect her because I love her." This won't the exact words but it was almost the same as those I had.

Just then... I really felt love. This feeling... that can never be surpressed in my heart. There was just this strong emotion within me. Wow. God is good all the time. =D

Then there was a special speaker. I don't know how to spell her name... but she was Robin something. It wasn't a sermon but more of a testimony by her. Honestly... while she was telling us about her life experience and how she was touched by the Lord and how God had changed her... I just felt like crying. Yeah, perhaps I've been really emotional this few days but really... the way she told her how God would accept us despite what had happened in the past just opened up my heart and I really felt the warmth of God. It's just so weird how God keeps wanting to enter our hearts despite all the sins we have commited.

Anyway I've decided to stop ignoring people. I'm a representive of Jesus and therefore, I shouldn't throw my temper all around like nobody's business. I thought about this...

Jesus knew that His disciples were going to betray Him but yet He never once blamed them or hated them or ignored them... He was THAT kind and nice. Why can't I be like my Father? Anyway, it's quite tiring ignoring people. =P heheh

I guess I'm really a new creation in Christ. =D

Anyway to eeyang.

I guess I never could spare a thought for you since you never really did told me about it. And I can't read your mind and I'm not even close to you so how do you expect me to? You seem like you weren't serious on court. You look like that but it's just that sometimes when I play with you... this isn't the first time by the way... I get very tensed and very frustrated because Yuanyi and I know that you guys aren't playing your best. For the period on court, do you think I can really think what was really going on in your mind other than just trying to fool us? I don't think I can honestly. I know I've upset you or anything. It just seems that staying in the team really means a lot to me... and if Yuanyi and I keep losing you to you guys when you guys suddenly play well... I don't think I'll be able to play with her next year. Perhaps I'm just being a little selfish but I don't think I owe you an apology. Yeah.

157th Post

2005-12-02T18:10:00.000+08:00

I hope you guys like the new music compared to the previous one which was a worship song. I don't want eeyang to continue saying that I'm copying her and stuff so here I am, with a new praise song, "Yours is the Kingdom". =D

My arm is like dead.

I don't know why but my arm is hurting. =// I don't know what happened and what I'm supposed to do with it and moreover next week is the competition. I'm playing in the Singapore Youth badminton championships. I don't wanna disappoint Yuanyi with my poor performance.

Well... training was kinda intense. Yeah and I was tired. My stamina has been going downhill and so has my determination. It seems harder for me to play properly when I see people wanting to give up as well and get annoyed with themselves. I'm starting to lose confidence but I'll keep going because I know for one thing. I love badminton.

so much that I won't ever give up on it.

I know I can do it.

I just have to keep my cool and keep going on. =D

and focus.

At the same time, I have to block all the emotional side of me and just play my best.

It's not always about winning.

I really do have to tell myself that. For more information about what I did after training... you can read Beehiang's blog. =D

I've gotta go. bye bye.

Refresh me inside out.

156th Post

2005-12-01T21:30:00.000+08:00

I'm all confused.

so I'm just gonna run away from all this mess.

155th Post

2005-12-01T20:47:00.000+08:00

hahah. Let me count my money box. XP

OH MY GOSH! =D I'm offically rich enough to give to the my December building fund. XD

PRAISE THE LORD! =D

There were a few changes made to my life since the last time I posted. Well... I've offically had a promise which I shared with Natalie that I would keep till 17. It's gonna be hard and Phoebe going to try to keep that promise too. But it's gonna work because Jesus says in Luke "When you believe, everything is possible." =)

That's why us Christians have an advantage over the people of the world. We have JESUS, our messiah. =D HE who died for us but has risen three days later and right now, he is intercessing for us in heaven on the right hand of our FATHER.

Anyway, back to that promise. Mingming has a similar one too. ahahh. XP But I really wanna make this promise special. I'm gonna keep it like never before. Or else I'll get a slap by Nat and Xiao Niu! XD I will guide my heart and focus on my heavenly Father. =D

ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm daoing all idiots and I'm making sure they regret for never appreciating me. Well done idiots. =D

I'm in charge of my life now and I'm kicking all those idiots out of my life. It was most regretful knowing you all.

flirts. insincere people. female guys.

GET LOST.

byebye to our past. when you all never cared...

and I'm sick of all the reasons given and times when I have to convince myself that you all didn't actually mean it...

thanks junyi for making me realise this.

Father, you are my number ONE!

154th Post

2005-11-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

There was training today. Yuanyi and I won in rubber against Alina and Eeyang. Blehh. But it's obvious that they were fooling around until the rubber set. Amazing how they can win one set while at the same time playing around. We haven't really won yet, well... but we won't give up! =D
surprising it didn't hurt at all.
I don't know what happened to my leg and arm halfway during training, but I definitely feel that I've slowed down a lot. I'm just so stone. gosh. I don't know why, but I just can't bounce. blehh. Then there was this new girl from coral primary. She's really good, better than Emily in fact. I don't know why but the way she hits the shuttle is just very unique and she bounces quite a lot.
Maybe I should just stop pitying myself.
Should I go see the chinese physician? My left knee is beginning to hurt. Blehh. I hope there's no blood clot or anything like that. It must be due to excessive cold air and blah blah.
Yeah. I'm quite disappointed that the sky wasn't blue at all.
Beehiang's backk. lol. Anyway, I've pierced my ears! =D Mingming said it wouldn't hurt but it did. LIKE MAD. ahhhhhhhhhhhh. lol. I think I asked the person too many questions. =P
I thank God all the same. Because He has shut the doors.
lalala`` so bored. gotta go. byee. =D

I want to feel the same way as you do.

153th Post

2005-11-28T20:37:00.000+08:00

Life is weird.

When you want to stop thinking about someone or something, that particular object keeps coming back.

When you know that you should and better leave the situation in this manner, you change the situation.

When you know it's bad to regret about the past, the past keeps coming back.

When you realise that you have lost someone close to you, you don't have the motivation to chase that person back.

When you want to break down and cry, you can't.
because you told yourself that you are not supposed to, and you are supposed to stand strong.

I hold on to things that I cannot have.

and before that... I didn't seek the Lord.

thank goodness He didn't forsake me. or else I wouldn't be left with anybody.

you belong to yourself.

152th Post

2005-11-28T19:18:00.000+08:00

boohooo. RYAN HASN'T BLOG.

RYAN SEAH BLOGGG.

Ryan, your ex-best friend wants you to blog! =(

151th Post

2005-11-27T20:58:00.000+08:00

I feel so blessed!

CCC Youth and Pst. Phil Pringle came today. Great band and an awesome man of GOD. =D

Well... my day started at 8.45am, somewhere around there. I was looking at my closet and then realisation dawned upon me! I need to buy clothes! wahahhaha God bless my mummy. I usually spend quite a great deal while shopping. =D As usual, I was late meeting Phoebe and Junyi up, but well... it wasn't intentional... I couldn't find my breakfast. I think COCKROACHES ate them up. XP

Well... I don't know how but Junyi could predict that I would be late...

XD

I'm a little bit confused. We were alright for the first part, then you started ignoring us. You treated us as if we didn't exist and our existance didn't mean a thing. How could you? I'm sure that if your crush was there or I was your crush, I wouldn't receive that sort of attitude from you. Maybe because you are sick so you are like that. I know that you were in an awful mood. But is this what I deserve? Have you ever considered me as a sister? I really question that. I can be there for you always. I can share my deepest thoughts and hear you out but it seems that your beloved will always come first. Do you know that I feel upset? The things you would do to other girls. Even thank someone for saying hello to you. I really wonder whether I'm that meaningless to your life. If so... perhaps we shouldn't have known each other in the first place. I know it's wrong to expect something from you but I still can't help it. Perhaps a little appreciation? But I'm so sorry. I've already decided to fade away from your life or perhaps I never did shone in it.

Anyway, I had bible study with Jasmine and learnt more about ministry. I really feel that God has called me into Choir but I would really want to hear Him confirm His word once again. I mean... I do love singing.

Then it was service. OMG IT WAS BEYOND WORDS!

I had a VISION from GOD!

We were singing "You are my hiding place... you are my hiding place" Then I suddenly saw this...

I was running from the darkness. Trees surrounded me and stuff. I was so scared then I finally ran into my Father's arms. He said "it's okay, my child, I'll always be with you." Then He led me out to the darkness again. I felt braver but when I turned back. I saw a figure covered with wounds and cuts, filled with blood. He said, "My child, I've already paid the price for you..."

Jesus really died on the cross for us. I don't know why I used to doubt that.

``If only I could tell Him face to face, how much I love Him...

My heart aches for more of you.

150th Post

2005-11-23T20:11:00.000+08:00

Heartwarming Stories:

life is short cherish those around you.......

There was once this guy who is very much in love with this girl.
This romantic guy folded 1,000 pieces ofpaper cranes as a gift to his girl.
Although, at that time he was just a small fry in his company,
his future doesn't seem too bright,
they were very happy together.
Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come back.
She also told him that she cannot visualise any future for the both of them,
so they went their own ways there and then...

Heartbroken, the guy agreed.
But when he regained his confidence,
he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind just to make something out of himself.
Finally with all the hard work and the help of friends,
this guy had set up his own company ...

>>>You never fail until you stop trying.>>>

One rainy day, while this guy was driving,
he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in the rain walking to some destination.
Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched.
It didn't take him long to realize they were his girl's parents.
With a heart in getting back at them,
he drove slowly beside the couple,
wanting them to spot him in his luxury sedan.
He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore,
he had his own company, car, condo, etc.
He made it!
What he saw next confused him,
the couple was walking towards a cemetery,
and so he got out of his car and followed...
and he saw his girl, a photograph
of her smiling sweetly as ever at him from her
tombstone and he saw his paper cranes right beside her...

Her parents saw him.
He asked them why had this happened.
They explained, she did not leave for France at all.
She was ill with cancer.
She had believed that he will make it someday,
but she did not want to be his obstacle...
therefore she had chosen to leave him.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her,
because, if the day comes when fate brings him to her again...
he can take some of those back with him...

Once you have loved, you will always love.
For what's in your mind may escape
but what's in your heart will remain forever.
The guy just wept...
The worst way to miss someone is
to be sitting right beside her knowing you can't have her, see her or be with her ever again....
hope you understand.
Find time to realize that there is one person who mean so much to you,
for you might wake up one morning
losing that person who you thought meant nothing to you.

Subject: KINDNESS Pays !
>>>One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door
>to door to pay his way through school, found he had
>only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided
>he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he
>lost his nerve when a
>lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal
>he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked
>hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it
>slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You
>don't owe me
>anything," she replied.
>>>"Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a>kindness."
>>>He said... "Then I thank you from my heart."
>As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt
>stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was
>strong also. He
>had been ready to give up and quit.
>>>Years later that young woman became critically ill.
>The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her
>to the big city, where they called in specialists to
>study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in
>for the consultation. When he heard the name of the
>town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.
>>>>>>Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the
>hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he
>went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to
>the consultation room determined to do his best to save
>her life. From that day he gave special attention to
>the case.
>>>After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly
>requested the business office to pass the final bil
l>to>him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote
>something on the edge and the bill was sent to her>room. She feared to
>open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of
>her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and
>something caught>her attention on the side as She read these
>words....
.>>>"Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed)
>Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as
>her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that Your
>love has spread abroad through human hearts and
>hands."

>>>NOW YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES. You can send this page on
>and spread a positive message or ignore it and pretend it never touched you.>

149th Post

2005-11-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

Today was a fun and whacky day. =D

Firstly, I went to work and it was seriously a drag. Blehhh. I wanna switch jobs. booo. =( I'm getting sick of fruit juices, even though I still loveee banana milksha
Anyway, I've updated the SEC ONE BADMINTON TEAM BLOG! =D

The longest entry posted! =P Anyway, while 'working' today, I taught Elyn (the little fat girl) how to draw chicks. hahaha cool. And then she wouldn't stop disturbing me to teach her more after that.

-____________________-

hahahh She's very cute! and FAT and FAIR. hahahha. I don't know why, but I really find people like those adorable. =D

Later went to Somerset and met Mingming. SHE WAS SO BAO LU!!!

I could see her bra strap. tsk tsk. hahahah =X

is she gonna kill me?

yes. hahahah. XP

We had a very cool training session with Rose, though I did nothing much but stroke a little with Beehiang and practised service.

I'M PROUD OF MINGO MANGO MENGO.

Her lobbing has really improved and only within one session! so cool. =D

Later as we were at Somerset Mrt, I saw BERTRAND LIAN! woots.

hahahah. I haven't met him for a long long time or chatted with him. boooo.

Later went to KFC at douby gaut to eat. Douby gaut Mrt sure brings back a lot of memories, especially one place. I remember someone telling me...

"I see you. You are wearing a black skirt and dark blue t-shirt right?"

As I'm typing this... I'm feeling very funny inside of me. boo. But it's not always good to dwell on the past. hahah. =D

I met some E302 people and Josephine at KFC. ahhah. such a coincidence! =P

I'M GETTING BAPTISED THIS WEEK.

I think. hahaha. XP

Mingming and I had a FUNKY time in the Mrt, pushing people and laughing like mad luantic. =D
hahah gtg byeee.

I've decided and told Lord that I would submit all things to Him. I've asked Him to take away my ability to like the opposite gender, because it only distracts me away from my purpose. I need to focus on Him. I lift my everything to Him and Him alone. and I wanna go from GLORY TO GLORY!

- - xiao niu and xiao pang friends forever - -

145th Post

2005-11-22T18:33:00.000+08:00

oh heres a poem created by mingming and nicole.
Titled - The Badminton Cheer
On court we strive
Off court it's life
Without badminton
Everything's a LIE
If we don't play
We'll all DIE
An eternal bond we willingly tie
To that we bid you
GOODBYE!

-courtesy of http://beehiang-shuttler.blogspot.com

hahahh. I'm amused by it. For more information about training today, visit...

http://kissofheaven-.blogspot.com
OR
http://beehiang-shuttler.blogspot.com

BLehh. I'm not really in some mood to talk about the events that occured today.

It's so irritating.

Everytime you try to stop thinking about some past events, they'll just repeatedly flash in your mind without warning. You try to move on and focus on the present. You try to convince yourself that you've already passed the test of forgetting and then you are proven wrong once again. You try to stop yourself from disliking somebody that almost everyone loves and when you fail, you tell yourself how foolish you are. You try to forgive that person for everything she has done to you but you just can't let it go.

You tell yourself that you have to force yourself to like that person, to tolerate that person EVEN MORE and then you find yourself giving up and losing patience. Occasionally, you would like to go back to the past to devour those precious moments when nothing was wrong. And sometimes, you would like to go back even further into the beginning of the year, when you didn't know that much and didn't have to grow up. You had friends then who would chat with you online. You could eat lunch alone during recess and find that there's nothing wrong with not having close friends. Then later in the year, where you could enjoy the joys and sorrows of having best friends. You smiled. You cried. You laughed. You fell. But you held on and continued. You had it all there.

You watch television. You read books. You occupied yourself with sports. You try and you try to stop feeling any negative emotions. You pretend that everything's going alright when your life seems to just dive downhill. Then later you try to gain pity for having to pretend that everything is alright. You tried to climb more steps in your life, thinking that that somebody would be there for you when you fall. And everytime you fell, it was never a disappointment. You relied on a single person, giving your everything and then when it ended, you find yourself hating yourself for not using your head enough.

You wanted love, even though it revolved around you. You wanted to be able to once again fall back on someone, to rely on someone, to give your everything and then you get crushed, having acknowledged that that would never happen.

You try to stop getting that word into your head and then you find yourself wanting to experience it. You know that time cannot turn back and you know it's best to understand the present better, but somehow, you wish you didn't have to know that logic.

Then you realise.

Time has molded you into somebody that wanted love, wanted peace, wanted happiness and of it all... security.

And then you wish.

You didn't have to realise that and could still continue to live, standing firm in your own beliefs.

i just want to feel the sweetness of life.

148th Post

2005-11-21T19:37:00.000+08:00

oooo. TODAY WAS FUN. =D

I woke up at ten, thanks to a morning call from Lili and really thank God that I was able to sleep on wet pillows. hahah. Enlin knows why. BOO.

I realised that by now, she was already on the plane on the way to US. boo. I'm so gonna miss her and I really look forward to meeting her again. I miss her now actually.

She gets me back on track with reality sometimes. really.

Anyway, I rushed to Plaza Singapura and no doubt, I was once again, the latest one out of all of them. hahaha. Then we went to watch Harry Potter. OMG. CEDRICK IS SOOOOOO CUTE.

and so is DRACO MALFOY. omg. I could feel their hotness radiating from the movie screen. Hahah maybe I'm exaggerating. =P The movie was not bad, but I wouldn't call it excellent. Too many parts were cut off and Draco had so little onscreen time. booo. zero points for that. hahah. Beehiang and Mingming were very funny. Beehiang told me TWICE that Harry Potter was muscular while Mingming kept eating POPCORNS like nobody's business. lolx.

She's like super duper popcorn eaters. hahah

and there was this part where Harry Potter fainted and some girl from the back said. "zhuang si" (act dead) hahaha. Beehiang and I were trying to stifle our laughter. When Cedrick came onscreen, I went "SO CUTE!" and I guess it was a little bit too loud. but oh well. hahaha. =P The girl acting as Fleur was really pretty. hahah. =P

Then we went to arcade and had a little bit of fun. I never knew such a tiny fragile girl like Teo Hooi Li could hit the buttons of some game and beat Beehiang and Yuanyi flat. hahah. =D

Yuanyi wore a BIG FAT BILLABONG SHIRT! hahah.

and she looked fatter. =P

Then later went to eat at Macs. lol. They kept saying that I ate very dirtyly. wahahah. XP

Then I had a rawking good time in the MRT with Teo Hooi Li. lolx.

SHE FELL ON A GUY AND WE ROARED WITH LAUGHTER!
hhahah
then we were laughing from douby gaut to bedok. hahah. XP

Then I went for badminton training. lol. Javier's super duper funny. hahaha. He said I serve out 3 foot! hahaha. =P gotta go already bye bye.

147th Post

2005-11-21T18:58:00.000+08:00

hahah I'll probably post three entries today? About Saturday, Sunday and Monday. =d

Anyway, about Sunday. Played badminton in the morning with Grace, Leo Huang and Uncle Peter. Hahahh. Oh man. Grace was super duper funny. As in, Huang and I kept losing our concentration on the match and laugh like mad.

Uncle Peter says that Grace is a very witty girl. ahhahah.

Later went to church and well... I had bible study with Daniel and I was late. booo. Causing Dewi not to have bible study. SO SORRY. boohooo.

hEHEH.

Then later, met up with Kenneth and we waited for Changzhong together. I really hope that Changzhong would be able to integrate into our church and join E302, but that is of course if it's God's will. BOO. =D

But I'm glad he enjoyed himself. I'm going to try to reach out to Chou Yun next. =P

Maybe I'll post my notes later? Hahahh. =D But I felt that sunday's sermon was really meant for me. I've been distracted enough times and I really need to pray to stay focus. =D

Later went back home on the mrt with Changzhong, Junyi, Isaac and Phoebe. I spend 1/2 the time sleeping while Junyi, Isaac and Changzhong chatted animatedly about maple story. BOOO. Online computer games just can't interest me and there's no way I'm gonna spend my time downloading maple. =P Isaac and Changzhong chatted as if they knew each other for ten years or something. lolx.

Nothing much after that. hahaha. =P

146th Post

2005-11-21T18:30:00.000+08:00

Shall continue blogging.

Saturday's training was at singtel and it was so funnn. Lili and I kept trying to smash each other, resulting in my entire shirt getting drenched as in seriously, the first time ever. Normally the end of the t-shirt is left dry, but this time, it's different. And when Yuanyi and I played against Alina and Mingming, I improved in my smashing and receiving. All thanks to Teo Lili. wahahha. XP

So Yuanyi suggested that I stroke with Lili next time before every training. lol. And yeah, my self esteem is boosted everytime I receive Lili's smashes. wahahah. Cos Lili is pro. =D heehh.

Then we did some drills that we've never done before and really had fun. =)

Oh yeah oh yeah. But the best of the best part was... TRIO. Mingming, Beehiang and I were against the seniors and Mr Wee said we had to do push ups according to the number of points we lost times five. hahahh. Then I was quite scared that we were going to lose... I don't know why. BUT I WAS PROVEN WRONG. HAHHA!

We won both senior teams, but probably mostly by luck? =//

But never mind, this experience has certainly boost my self-esteem once again.

WE CAN DO IT, NYBT SEC1'05!

After that we had cell group at Peter's place. Bible study on the Tabernacle. I really have to reflect on my attitude towards bible study. My attitude was really bad due to the fact that I was very tired from training, but I don't think that that is an excuse. booohooo. Then after that we prayed for ONE HOUR! A really big breakthrough for me! hahah. Because the most I've ever prayed was 45 minutes?

Then we watched Passion of the Christ.

and junyi made a lame comment that the actors who play Jesus Christ always look like Argon from Lord of the Rings.

-____________________________-

Then went home and watched Top of the Forbidden City. wahhaha. Du Shi Channel rawks. hahaha and I like 5566's variety show. hahah

144th Post

2005-11-20T21:12:00.000+08:00

First.. have to do this stuff.
1. post five weird/random stuffs about yourself
2. at the end of your post, list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this
3. leave a comment "you are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules

1. I'm currently single.
2. I've a pig-cover handphone
3. I like black skirts
4. I like people to solve their own problems
5. My laughter sounds like seals.

These lucky people have to do this thing.
1. Beehiang
2. Changzhong
3. Jemima
4. Deborah
5. Natalie

143th Post

2005-11-20T20:46:00.000+08:00

FRIDAY AND SATURDAY'S TRAINING WAS SUPER DUPER COOL. =D

hahhh. Friday, we went to Tampines Sports Hall for friendly match against dunman high. Yuanyi and I lost quite badly to a primary six from Tao Nan and a sec three, Minhua. Both of us were disappointed, but I guess I hid my disappointment somehow. But then again... we can always work harder and I believe, WE'LL BE READY FOR NATIONALS!

YEAH! NYBT SEC 1'05 ALL THE WAY!!!

Wheee. =D

I'm gonna train my best! and I'm gonna play in nationals. BY FAITH! EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

142th Post

2005-11-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

I realise that watching drama serials make me more... dramatic. And I start talking to myself and wanting to *ahemmfallinloveassoonaspossibleahem* It's irritating. Oh well... after watching 'at the dolphin bay', I guess I'll stop my 'addiction' on all this stuff. They make me go soft.

and I only go soft at night, on lovey dovey stuff, on sad stuff... okay, enough. I'm not gonna reveal anymore. =P

Working at the fruit stall seems to be more and more boring. But I feel that after this experience, I've grown slightly more matured and finally understood the importance of independance, instead of relying on your domestic helper on stuff like getting the chilli sauce for you because you are watching 'tian guo de jia yi' and then getting scolded by almost the whole family for being so lazy. XP

I'M NOT SPOILT
=D

Well... tomorrow's the friendly match between dunman high and us. and well... I don't know how good they are. But I really hope that I get to play with yuanyi instead of partnering up with other people. booooo. I mean... Yuanyi and I have yet to really play properly against others as doubles before lorh. Unlike Alina and Eeyang. haix.

but I have faith. Yuanyi and I will play together tomorrow! =D

PRAISE THE LORD. =D

141th Post

2005-11-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

Boooo. Woke up about 10 minutes to 8 this morning. I went to work as usual and there were fortunately less people. I'm feeling very sian-ed at work and I've been making more than usual mistakes. What's with accidentally spilling one of the fruit juices and passing the wrong juice to one of the customers.

I don't know. I just don't feel like doing this job anymore. Well... Jasmine has been helping me find a few jobs. But the problem is... I don't dare to ask my mother whether I could change job. You see... She doesn't know that I'm saving up for building fund. Haix. I really don't like to do stuff behind her back but arghh. She doesn't want me to give to the church. =( Ah whatever.

Later went to play badminton with Beehiang, Mingming, Daniel, Jasmine, Kenneth, Maxcelin, Danial's friend, Yuan Mei and her two friends, Wenya and Silin. BoooOOOoOooOoOo. Quite fun. =D hahahah. and then BEEHIANG and MINGMING kept bullying nooobs. lol. Beehiang kept smashing me, so irritating. lolx.

keep holding on. don't let go.

不要轻易放弃，否则对不起自己。。。

there are times when I just feel so lost and cold.

as if nothing mattered anymore.

140th Post

2005-11-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

Enlin's going back to states. BLehH.

Anyway, Enlin, you won't ever hear me say 'I'll miss you' so stop trying to make me say. Because if I do, dear, I'll cry my eyeballs out. Because I'm

OETI

= overly emotional till irritating.

blehh. so I'll just say it here.

I'M GONNA SUPER MISS YOU. =(

Who's gonna talk to me about HOHO in the middle of the night? the ghost period?
Who's gonna call me a stupid idiot?
Who's gonna sms me and when she don't get a reply, yell at me?
Who's gonna counsel me about HOHO at night?
Who's gonna call me and talk about funny people?
Who's gonna make me say I miss her when she knows that I won't ever?
Who's gonna roll her eyes when I say something stupid?
Who's gonna call me "stupid ashleen ang"?
Who's gonna teach me softball?
Who's gonna yell at me for not writing her a nice letter, something similar to Nat?
Who's gonna help me put on make up on choral night?
Who's gonna counsel me about Nat when she's in a bad mood?
Who's gonna tell me how to tolerate Nat?
Who's gonna help me and Nat solve our misunderstandings?
Who's gonna try to cheer me up eben though she's a sucker at that when I start thinking of HOHO?
Who's gonna laugh with me about Francis when she gets super blur and messed up?
Who's gonna call me messed up?
Who's gonna talk to me as how you did?!

What the... Enlin, why must you go?

haix. I thought you weren't gonna go. I thought it wasn't gonna affect me. Until I heard your voice tonight. Oh man, I almost cried. Wth. Arghh. =( Will you remember me? As the stupid little immatured lame always-thinks-she's-adorable Ashleen Ang?

Well... I'll remember you! And God bless you forever. =D

Update your blog dahling okay? And call me at my house phone sometimes... then we can chat about life. After Nat, you are probably my goodest good friend. booo. I'm so gonna miss you.

--- > this entry is dedicated to my beloved good friend Chua Enlin. =D

139th Post

2005-11-15T22:27:00.000+08:00

138th Post

2005-11-15T19:25:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to post this entry for a long long time. =D

This few days have been eventful in my life. There were problems but at the same time, PRAISE THE LORD, happiness and joy.

hahahah. =D

Problems like my mother and my relationship and many stuff like playing for nationals next year. At the rate I'm moving at, I don't think I'll be eligible to play badminton next year, but... hahah read on... There's the problem about whether to take private coaching.

but... read on. =P

Training was COOL. hahahh. =D Although at the beginning of training my leg cramped up or something like that. but GUESS WHAT!!! I prayed to Jesus and ask Him to heal it. and BY FAITH, it was healed! Although it wasn't immediate and my leg was still hurting after the prayer, I kept on telling myself that Jesus has already died on the cross for us and has already taken away the pain my leg was causing. AND GUESS WHAT!!! During drills with ruiqi and eeyang, THE PAIN IN MY LEG WAS GONE.

HALLEJUAH! =D

ahhh crap. the internet connection went down.

This morning was eventful. I woke up at 7am... make that 7.15am and watched finish xi jie shao nian. =D My mother then fetched me to school. We had a heated discussion in the car, although it was mostly one sided (her). and it all started with the question... "Do you think I'm a fianical burden to you?" I didn't dare say anything. Not that I had no answers to her questions. But I just felt that her questions were all her assumptions. There's a difference you see. I don't think that she knows me enough to even ask me some of the questions. I don't even do that, but she assumed... repeatedly. I don't know... really. I don't know. But it's all over. =D My Father was there and He judged for me. He watched me everywhere I went... everything I did. The things she said were painful and really like stabs taken at my heart. But my Father was there, watching us, watching me as she spoke those words. and I thank Him that He was always there. =D

Yesterday afternoon, after work, I went to Siglap CC to check out the private badminton coach. I saw the two guys which he was going to partner me with if I joined. He was willing to offer 15 dollars per hour for the coaching. But I'm seriously reconsidering whether it's worth it. I'm scared you know. Especially with the fianical situation I have right now and well... I really have to plan my money properly. I really don't know if it's worth it. But I'll really be very happy if I could join them. I want to play badminton really. And one of my greatest wishes right now... is to play doubles with Yuanyi next year. and BY FAITH. =D I know all things are possible. =D

137th Post

2005-11-15T08:46:00.000+08:00

Booo. check again later. I've gotta do my zuo wen, then maybe I can blog later. so many exciting things to share. =D

136th Post

2005-11-12T22:53:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG OMG...!

I'VE JUST BEEN BLESSED WITH $10 BY WHO I DON'T KNOW. =D

yay! =) I have enough money to pay the badminton thingo. yay. =D

136th Post

2005-11-12T22:46:00.000+08:00

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

135th Post

2005-11-12T18:12:00.000+08:00

I feel so motivated and touched after reading EEYANG'S post. =D
Yes, GOD REIGNS FOREVER. =D

This week has been rather depressing but I really wanna thank GOD for all this. Because like Jasmine said today, God allows other people to break us, because through all that, our true flaws are revealed and we'll be able to change for the better.

Take for instance. My mother.

I never appreciated her love. I gave her half a ear everytime she spoke. I never really appreciate her when she TALKED to me. Now she screamed at me, I start crying. It's so funny eh? But through this period while we are having a cold war, I realised that... well... she already lost two daughters since the time my sister and I started growing up. We never really cherish her. booo. It's not her fault. She has already tried and well... just that everytime she tries to pull down the wall I built for myself, I built more support for it. Such that she was never really able to experience true love from me. I hide myself in the room, watch the drama serials until I go crazy and start crying for some stupid stuff. I tried to find love in the wrong places and end up cursing that it was all due to the lack of my mother's love. But it's not like that.

I realise this.

I never really was there for her.

while she was there... always.

Working so hard as a single mother, raising my sister and I up. Then losing my sister to Zen. What is this? Is this what she deserves?

I'll give that question a big fat NO.

I'm disappointed with myself, but I won't be like that for long. I'm gonna build a relationship with my mummy and give her what she truly deserves. Not a daughter who asks her for money all the time. But... a daughter who really loves her and appreciate her existance.

I realise after all this.

I'm not the one deprived of love.

My mother is the one.

So. I'm gonna work on a relationship with her... and for the glory of GOD. =D

a story for today. taken from EEYANG'S BLOG:

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed that he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: One belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
He looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life,
There was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened
At the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, You said that once I decided to follow You,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,
There is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed You most You would leave me."
The LORD replied:"my son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
When you see only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you..."

I <33 this story. =D

It really touches my heart.
Anyway a revelation...

God keeps all our tears in bottles in Heaven.
So everytime we cry, He takes them and keep them.
He is there for us always.

Anyway, I would just like to thank everybody for tagging.

134th Post

2005-11-11T22:53:00.000+08:00

also to add on.

sorry to EEYANG.

I'm not fine. but I can't tell you that, can I? Sorry to have piss you off. I had my reasons, believe me.

thanks to BEEHIANG.

You made my day brighter by believing me. Thanks for being such a good friend. There are times that I'm jealous of you and Yuanyi, but really... today, I was just being horrible to everyone.

Hope you two forgive me. =D

133th Post

2005-11-11T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've been getting depressed very easily these days. booo. It seems only late at night when I am truly calm. I guess I owe many people an explanation for this strange and totally unlike Ashleen behaviour. It is simple.

I've not been deprived of full love.

but rather of my mother's love.

We've been separating... the devil's been pulling us apart. I wanna talk to her about everything, to ask her why is all this happening. But I don't know how. I really don't know how. I'm confused.

Why all this Lord?

I hate you satan, you idiot.

132th Post

2005-11-11T18:00:00.000+08:00

I know why I've been eating so much.

I want to fill the emptiness in my body.

The lack of love.

Sherman's right.

Why am I blogging about sad stuff this few days?

I'm really tired.

really.

I had badminton this morning and well... I was jealous, I was pissed off, I was irritated, but I was happy later on. I realised that badminton had the ability to make me happy.

When I play badminton... I let everything go, my feelings, my emotions included... and I just concentrate on that one game alone. There's nothing to worry about, except to keep the shuttle in mid air.

I love badminton and feel the same way as you when you play squash.

Maybe now I understand how one sport could keep you so alive.

and how crazy and obsessed you are over that one particular sport.

You don't just like it.

You love it

just as much as I do.

I then had lunch with Beehiang, Nicole, Ruiqi and Dorlisa. We talked about the old days... hahah in primary school and stuff.

I realised I've matured, but at the same time, life seems a little more understandable and painful.

I know I have friends. really I know I do.

Friends that I could spend time with me and are willing to chat with me to unearthly hours at night and I've my fair share of crushes.

I liked. I enjoyed. I was crazy.

But things aren't the same anymore.

I just feel drained out and lost.

I seem to be losing my ability to love and to devour.

I laugh. yes.

I cry. yes.

I smile. yes.

But... everything seems so different and all these days.

Somehow.

I want someone to love me.

I want someone to care for me.

I want someone to appreciate my existance.

I want someone to be there for me.

I want someone to hold my hand and cherish me.

I want someone there.

just there.

to talk to me.

to listen to me.

to entertain me.

to just enjoy the silence with me.

Someone like God and Jesus.

but the person actually is a living being that I can feel and touch.

and I'll wait.

I'll wait.

till that somebody special comes along.

and maybe it'll be a little painful.

131th Post

2005-11-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling down.

I want someone to love.

Does anyone love me?

I don't want mere words.

I want actions.

Is that very difficult to give?

I had chalet since tuesday night. I had choral night on tuesday night too. The English one was quite bad, since the audience didn't really get the joke but the Chinese one was a bit better? They laughed a little?

what the. I don't care.

I'm sensitive and petty.

whatever.

Badminton chalet was fun, though there were some boring moments, but I brought Xi Jie Shao Nian and we watched it. Really cool. =D

My mother's super pissed with me and biased too. wth. argh. I hate all of this.

I want love.

I want someone to care about me.

I don't wanna feel nothing anymore.

I want love.

130th Post

2005-11-07T19:04:00.000+08:00

I WENT TO WORK TODAY.
lalala.

and guess what?

I saw Tingyu and co. -_________________-

and she was laughing at me.

meannnn tingyu.

blehhh. I'm ponning training tomorrow for choral night so super suck can? I think I forgot all my sentences. oh great. well done, ash. =D

booohooo. I'm considering whether to continue playing squash. blah. It's affecting my badminton strokes... I pull back to sorta store strength and it's horrible for doubles? =/

Then Joyce might be taking up my position as Yuanyi's doubles next year. I don't wanna lose my position to her. haix. =(

but oh well... sec ones like lili and eeyang sure won't mind if Joyce take over me. blehh.

ah forget it.
it's so depressing. =X

WORK WAS FUN. =D

I made my own fruit juice and gained more business management skills. hahaha. that's bullshyt but whatever. I earned 15 dollars! yay! hahahahh. Maybe to some, it's very little? But I think it's rather good. heeehhh. I <33 MY AUNTIE VIOLET. =D

Her partner's sorta dao though, put on a dark dark look for a long long time, but after that... he seems alright afterall. =)

oH MAN. I drank TWO banana milkshakes today. booo and one apple/orange juice. lolx. It was really cool! =D I would really like to work tomorrow, but I've choral night. boohooo. I watched Tue's choral night, but... they seem so much better than ours. >.< oh well... you'll never know.

I knocked off work at 3.45? around there. And I wanted to go to Kallang, hoping to see that someone was playing squash so that I could play too! hahaha. but my plan failed. =( Not that I went, but all the people were at HOME.

-_______________-

so irritating.

oh well forget it. After I went home, I couldn't stand it anymore and went off to ECP ( East Coast Park ) to cycle. =D I <333 cycling but it makes my legs tired. boohooo. hahahahhh. Then I went to the playground near my house. hahaha so funny. There was this little girl looking for her daddy who was hidden so obviously behind some little ship. ahahhah. The little girl was sooo cute.

sometimes... I really dislike my dad for his absense in my childhood.

It'll really be cool to have a daddy on earth. as in yes, I've one in heaven... but sometimes, not that HIS love isn't enough, but more of... it would be great you see... if I had one on earth. But then again, everything would be different if I did.

so... I'm here now. hahah typing on the computer, yet to bathe.

anyway note to Ryan and Robin:

I don't know. are you guys trying to make me feel guilty? I've my badminton chalet already, but if I could I would go. but the problem isn't that. But more of the fact that I've no cash. seriously. I'm trying to be as thrifty as possible. if you guys read my previous posts, you would have noticed that I've a list of debts. but I doubt you guys did. all you guys do is care for yourself. I know Ryan made a lot of effort to plan this chalet, but I feel that my reasons are valid enough not for me to go. I've no cash and my badminton chalet which is paid for already doesn't need payment again. I'm sorry that I can't go but you question me about loving my friends etc.

ask yourselves.

did you ever considered me as a friend? or was a big joke all along.

Just wanna let you guys know...

I always felt the latter. and sadly not the former, though I really tried treating you guys as friends.

but even in the last few days of 6A2'05, I was the bitch and always was.

so guess what?

I've changed and I will never forget everything you guys said.

I'm sorry I can't forgive.

but you all deserve it.

bitch right?

f- off.

129th Post

2005-11-06T21:12:00.000+08:00

I FEEL HYPED.

Together we stand. United we fall.

I LOVE EVERYONE =D

GOD BLESS EVERYONE!! =D

Church was great. I like the sermon preached by PST. Kong today, about "Releasing the Glory of God in us"

One point that he mentioned that really motivated me was that fact that to release God's glory which is given to us is that we have to WORK. =D

and I'm gonna work tomorrow at my aunt's fruitstall. lalala``

I hope everything would turn out fine and maybe I can get an increase in my salary.

PRAISE THE LORD. =D

(: byeeee. lol

128th Post

2005-11-05T20:06:00.000+08:00

14 ways to win a girls heart
1. Hugs from behind.
2. Grab her hand when y'all walk next toeach other.
3. When standing, wrap your arms around her.
4. Cuddle with her.
5. DONT FORCE HER TO DO ANYTHING.
6. Write little notes.
7. Compliment her Honestly.
8. When you hug her, hold her in your arms aslong as possible.
9. be super sweet to her
10. Pick her over ur friends.. no matter what. even if your friends call u pussy whipped.
11. comfort her when she cries.
12. love her with all your heart.
13. Pick her up and flirt with her.
14. Be a gentleman (hold the door for her).

GIRLS - repost this if u think its sweet
GUYS - repost this if u would do any of it

------------------------------------------------

XP I don't mind my future boyfriend to treat me like that!

yayy. I <33 training today (:

hahhah WE WON AGAIN! woots. But the first set was rubbish. Alina and Eeyang were just playing around. blah.

But second set was a bit more serious? hahahah. =D

I'm starting to like those idol dramas. booo. (:

MVP Qing Ren then now... SNOW ANGEL. wooo. I <333 toro. blah. But he looks... kk never mind. hahahha he looks very INNOCENT! (:

I like today's cell group, talked about the tabernacle. =D

DEBORAH came. lol. And we helped eat up MAXCELIN'S CHOCOLATES. hahahha. =P

I like CHOCOLATES. Esp the dairy kinds... I can't stop eating them. boooo. hehehh

I learnt this...
"if something is dominating your life and it isn't God, then you had better let it go."

So I passed my handphone to Junyi and asked him to keep it. That's my favourite possession, but... you are the FIRST. lalalala``

haix.

never mind. Shan't dwell on it. (:

It's over.

yet I still can't move on. blahh.

the funny things I do to make myself be noticed by you.

yet you never do.

127th Post

2005-11-03T19:12:00.000+08:00

Blehhh.

I'm pmsing real badly.
=//

NOBODY SMS-ED ME TODAY! =(

I mean... nobody sms-ed in the afternoon. I was waiting and waiting for someone to sms me but nobody did! =(

Except maybe my chinese tutor. =(

Never mind. Haix.

Nobody knows that if they sent me a sms just now, I would have jumped for joy. boohooo.

I packed my entire room today, well... about 7/8 of the room? The rest of the room just doesn't need to be packed.

I'm kinda sad...

After that, went to service the bike. Oh yah... before that I called someone up and he went "hello hello HELLO" ahhahah so cute. =D I like. heehehh.

Then then then... I called him again... but... =( He so dao. booohooo. NEVER MIND. hahahah. XP

Cycled from my ah-ma's house back. >.< heeeh so tiring. I think some guy from ST PATRICK thought I was stalking him because I was following him. heeeh.. =D He kept turning back. hahahahah

Oh then... I came back and ate my cookies before watching MVP qing ren... I realised that I skipped a disk. yay. Praise the LORD that I didn't give the cds back to Kaiqi. =D

Watch watch watch....... lalalala`` so sian.

I'm pissed at changzhong. Blehhh. I said I wanted to help him find a racquet... by asking Mr Wee... then he damn annoying, go say that Beehiang help me find and I didn't want to help him find, ask him ask hozhijie. idiot la. I told him on the phone lorh. what the. Aiyah. Can't be bothered with this type of people. He wanna ask Beehiang go find racquet for him then so be it. I don't give a damn. (;

I would like to thank KELVIN WOON. (: hhahahah. He's so nice, help me play gb until stone hammer level. wahahahhah. XP Then I get so many free avatars. yay. =D

By the way, eeyang, if you are reading this... which I highly doubt so... I agree with your latest post! (; about the post exams and exams period. It's always like that.

boooooohoooooooooooo.
(:

lalalalala``` bye bye.

126th Post

2005-11-03T11:05:00.000+08:00

Most people call you? ASHLEEN
Where are you going tomorrow? CHINESE AND MATHS TUITION and maybe Training.
Are you excited? NO.
What shampoo do you use? GREEN TEA
What is the most annoying thing stuck in your brain? I cant get over people
What do you want? YOU. lol kidding. Ehh. SQUASH RACQUET
What are you wearing at the moment? White T-shirt, black addias shorts
How many bucks do you have at the moment? IM IN A FIANCIAL CRISIS DAMNIT.
What instrument does your boyfriend/girlfriend play? SPARE ME.
What instrument do you play? Recorder. (:
Who's the last person who gave you a testimonial? Gregory chop chop
Last year's unforgettable event? CAN'T REMEMBER.
Can you keep a secret? YES. but you must tell me that it's a secret and that I'm not supposed to say it.
Who's your favorite cartoon character? LA PI XIAO XIN
What do you think of this survey? TOO LAZY TO COMMENT. =D
WHAT WAS THE:
The last tv show you watched? MVP QING REN
The last song you heard just now? TELL THE WORLD THAT JESUS LIVES -hillsongs
The last thing you got as a present? some INTERESTING stuff from Nat.
The last place you went? Guardian
The last thing you heard from your parents? "Can I use the laptop now?"
and and... my parents are getting me a squash racquet. woots. I need to fart. bye bye.

125th Post

2005-11-02T23:44:00.000+08:00

Things to do Tomorrow before I get bored to craziness:

1. Pack my room
2. Do Chinese Tuition Homework
3. Do Maths Tuition Homework
4. Tell Dorlisa that I can't make it for Training on Fri
5. Think of something to do.

Haix. I'm tired. bye.

124th Post

2005-11-02T23:00:00.000+08:00

I <333 NAT.

AND BIG FAT WILLY! hahahah

or whatever his name is.

Today was sooo cool. (: PRAISE THE LORD.

I went swimming at Nat's condo. (: And we spent most of the time trying to get the both of us on BIG FAT WILLY. hahahah and finally we did. but we captized... and had to try all over again. SO FUN. =D

but seriously... it was FUN! hahahhah.

Although I drank quite a lot of water and kicked Nat so many times. ahahha XP

I <33 NAT. hahaha

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I <3 table tennis. ahhahah. We get to point out some people's flaws. wahahha. though I couldn't find any... I just invented them. haix.

Okokok. don't talk about it.

We went to queensway anyway. XP

I <333 Nat's MUMMY. ahhaha. and AUNTIE JOYCE.

they are a funny pair of best friend. (:

SQUASH RACQUETS ARE SO EX!

but I'm gonna save up! yeah! (:

Anyway... wondering why I keep complaining I've no money?

I just write down everything here...

I owe...

Chou Yun - $6
Natalie - $20 ( I totally forgot to pay you )
Class Fund -$20

Church Building Fund:

August - $70 ^Paid.
September - $70
October - $70 ^ Paid.
November - $70
December - $50
January - $50

Wth are you doing ashleen? I'm gonna work!

God, help me.

123th Post

2005-11-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

I finally feel enough peace to blog decently.

and not scream my head off. =P

I think I fell in love with squash, although I still love badminton more (:

I played squash on Saturday and Monday and badminton yesterday and today. boo I'm tired =)

Thanks to all the people who played squash with me and endured my noobie squash. wahahah. XP

I <33 nice people who play squash with me. heehh.

Anyway, some people might wanna know what happened. ( as in my sudden outbreak of capital letters and cursing stuff)

Well... it's not the person's fault or anything. More of my own. I've been so sick of everything thanks to him. Yeah, I admit I still like him like crazy? but... I guess I just have to admit that all is over?

I thought about everything and enjoyed the memories we shared. If only I could travel back to the past. But I don't think that's possible. Everything was off in the first place and ironically, I regret none of that.

I just couldn't control myself.

I had my fun, but all things must end, especially if almost everything or rather everyone objects to it. Funny how I still dwell on it after so long eh? lol.

I would really like to look back when I'm older and laugh at myself for being so immature.

but it's all part and parcel of life. (:

Another thing I would like to add is that I take back my words. I realise that there's no point ending the friendship when he hasn't done anything wrong, but rather I just couldn't control my own feelings.

He's too good a friend to lose.

And he and another friend is planning to get a squash racquet for me?

-_______________________________-

Blehhh. Why are people so nice to me?

I would like to thank my other friend too. blehhh. I don't get why he keeps going all out for me. I mean like... I'm not worth it. He wastes like 3 smses and doesn't get a reply from me? Is it really worth it to be my friend in the first place. I mean like... he pays for so many stuff. I really feel indebted him. seriously. haix.

I like MVP Qing Ren. XP

Just that the ending is chao lame.

-_____________________________________-

what the. The lead characters reunite by a stupid poster? =/

But the show was so good. (;

I cried a lot. It was good to let it all out.

Several parts were so touching.

Sometimes I really envy the drama serials.

They are sooo romantic, especially TAI ZI. OMG CAN?

He's so cool lah. (: I mean like... he's like wow.

SO ROMANTIC.

sighhh.

okay gtg. bye bye.

122th Post

2005-10-31T20:20:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I WANNA SCREAM LIKE WTH.

YOU DONT CARE ANYMORE.
IT DOESNT BOTHER YOU EVEN A SINGLE BIT.
I DON'T MATTER ANYMORE
SO GUESS WHAT.

I'M NEVER LETTING YOU INTO MY LIFE
NEVER.

GET LOST YOU.

I WISH I'VE NEVER KNOWN YOU!

GET LOST WTH.

WHAT'S WITH THE ****?!

YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY ISN'T IT?

YAH? WTH. WTH. WTH.

OUR FRIENDSHIP IS OVER.

46344549

I'LL GET OVER YOU. JUST WAIT.

121th Post

2005-10-31T19:23:00.000+08:00

I know I've post this song before but...

HILLSONGS - One WayAlbum: More Than Life (2004)

I lay my life down at your feet
You're the only one I need
I turn to you and you are always there
In troubled times its you I seek
I put you first thats all I need
I humble all I am,
All to you
One way
Jesus
You're the only one that I could live for

One Way
Jesus

You're the only one that I could live for
You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere
Your grace abounds so deeply within me
You wil never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end
One way
Jesus

You're the only one that I could live for

One Way
Jesus

You're the only one that I could live for
You are the way the truth and the life
We live by faith and not by sight ... for you
We're living all for you

im drained. Jesus, I need you now.

120th Post

2005-10-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

you know what?

I feel the same as beehiang on her post recent post.

im emotionally and physically drained.

physically because I played squash and had badminton training today so I'm tired.

emotionally because of all the things that have occured today..

- No one who knows me well enough would need to guess who this first person is.

you.

I wanna bite your head off.
but then again, I won't be able to do that.
haH.
because of everything that has happened between us.
but then again... literally, I still won't be able to do that.
I don't wanna blush like a tomato when I meet you. blehh.
I don't wanna show my liking for you has failed to cease.
I don't wanna act like I don't care when actually I do. a lot.
I don't wanna keep admitting the fact that we'll never be able to together again
and well... you treat me as a sister now and I'm expected to do the same.
I don't wanna let go of the past.
I wanna be selfish, but I know I can't.

But I'll just keep praying that someday that liking will go away.
Because I know everything is one-sided. and I'll never be able to change that.
-youarenotmine.-
Let go, ash.
move on.
it'll be better for both of you.
but I don't wanna let go or move on.
- my mother.

I'm being a difficult child this few days. I don't want her to scream at me anymore.
I don't wanna be make her life so miserable. She's concealing all her frustration and pain.

I'm gonna change.
because I love her.
don't be selfish, ash.

119th Post

2005-10-25T19:41:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOSH. EVERYBODY SCREAMMMMMMMM!

(: I feel blessed. I <33 JESUS.

Child of GOD.

wheeeeeee.

We went to West Coast Park (WCP) today. wahahahah XP for family day. Though nobody invited their relatives.

-_______-

AHAHAHAH. I made a deal with the teachers with those funny coupons I had. And...

I ATE TWO SAUSAGE MCMUFFINS. (: WOOTS.

I feel FAT. (:

Then I found eeyang, yuanyi, beehiang, alina, lili, nicole and mingming. and some of us started climbing up the spider web. and so did Nat. Nat and I climbed up and started taking pictures on my handphone like nobody's business. wheeeeeeeeeeee. XD

Then then then...

I played badminton with Alina and EEyang and went to MACS occasionally to get some cool air. woots. but I end up spending the two dollars I bought for today. AHHHHHHHHHH. lol.

DISCIPLINE!

OH yah oh yah. I climbed the spider web right. to the TOP. (: and I STARTED BLASTING OUT...

TELL THE WORLD THAT JESUS LIVES.
TELL THE WORLD THAT
TELL THE WORLD THAT
TELL THE WORLD THAT HE DIED FOR ME.
TELL THE WORLD THAT HE LIVES AGAIN!

and and...

JESUS CHRIST, YOU'RE MY SAVIOUR.
AND I WILL RUN AFTER YOU.
FOREVER AND EVER...

hahahah I forgot the lyrics so I repeated them all over again. (:

I guess I burst the eardrums of eugenia and nat and joanne. hahahH.

I <333 HUANG.

she just wrote a testimonial for me. (:

ahhhhhhhhhh. My leg hurts. I think I identifed the location of my hamstring wrongly. =X

Mr wee and delphine were laughing at me. hahahhaH. XP

Chinese Choral Speaking was GREAT!

Though I did forget my words, but the teachers said we did the stuff overall quite well. (:

and and she said I was not bad.

and and and Nicole liked it. (:

OH YAH. I realised Sarah Kang can play badminton okay! hahahH. I think she plays it better than NAT! hahahahhh. Oh yah. at WCP, I played badminton with nat, jem and chou yun too! (: but jem was like... couldn't serve. so funny lahh. =X

I was frowning but I wanted to burst out laughing actually. hahahah. but that's MEAN!

I couldn't train. ): My leg was hurting badly but after applying that funny muscle ache thingo, it was better.
booo. sorry EEYANG. ): I DIDN'T MEAN TO SERVE SO FAST LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS. ):

boooo. and dorlisa KEPT SMASHING ME! OMG. she hurts can. I mean her shuttles hurt. =X

After that I played with Nicolette and Josephine with Yuanyi. (:

WE WON!!!!!!!!

15. 8. 15. 7.

Can't really remember the first score but still. (:

then I was umpire for Yuanyi and Jia Yu's match.

Boo. Yuanyi won... by a good lot. (: But I have to say this, Jia Yu is really hardworking... so all the sec one singles, WATCH OUT!

Mingming was also very sad. booo. CHEER UP MING. LIFE'S MORE THAN THAT. GO ENJOY YOURSELF IN AUSTRALIA AND BUY ME SOUVENIRS. (:

After that, I played with Tabbhita. I've no idea how to spell her name.

11. 2.

WOOOTTTTTS. (:

I < 333 BADMINTON.

though my leg was killing me like crazy...
but...

PRAISE THE LORD FOR ETERNITY. (:
oh yah..

delphine finally corrected me!!!!!!!!!!!! yay! and complimented me (:

SHE DOESNT HATE MEEE!

YAY.

I <33 DELPHINE.
hahahhahh.

I'm gonna make an effort to remember Nat's hp number.

(: I <333 my best friend okay!

even when we both PMS. (:

and even when she wins in tati cause she's lucky.
HAH. XP

OH YAH. SEC ONE'05 NYBT BLOG.

UPDATED.
FRESH.
COMPLETELY ORIGINAL.

http://mylittlebanshee.blogspot.com <-- quick go and take a look!
yeah, it's plain. but pictures (WHOLE TEAM!!!) will be uploaded very soon! yay. hahahaha.i know the url sounds stupid. but it's our initals!

look:
m is mingming
y is yuanyi
little is lili (DON'T ASK WHY :D)
b is beehiang
a is alina
n is nicole
sh is ashleen (we didn't take her initials or else it wouldn't fit)
ee is eeyang

-adapted from http://eeyang-.blogspot.com

(: I'm too lazy to write. ahhaha.

and... I've forgotten him. (:

I'm proud of myself.

because I've let go.

and move on.

don't fight the moonlight.
-ashyyy.

118th Post

2005-10-23T19:49:00.000+08:00

omg. ahh! (:

Church was great as usual but I was drawing nice smilies on junyi while Pastor Kong was preaching. hahah. I'm a bad bad girl. I was touched by worship though... the lyrics...

"Now, I've found,
the greatest love of all,
is mine."

Blehh. (: God's GREAT!

had bible study before service. CHRISTIAN LIFESTYLE. woots. heeehh. Two great impactful lessons. Thanks Jasminee. =)

Then I went to fellowship and stuff.

i <333 daniel. (:

He blessed me! with chicken chop! hahahah

OMG so nice can?

Then I went home with Junyi and Rena. I think I freaked Junyi out. oh yahh.

Junyi <333 ....
ME. hahahahh

I won't tell. PROMISE! hahahh. I was just trying to tease you. boo. then you got so irritated.

so irritating. ):

hmphh.
hhahahahah.

Then after that, when I got home, I got scolded. lalala`` my mummy complained that I spent too much time in church and she SCREAMED to me.

so irritating.

but never mind, we just have to tolerate some people.

don't let them bug you

and destory your happy mood.

lalalala```

Kelvin doesn't wanna reply to my sms and msn chat. argh, so irritating.

I wonder what he wants.

sms me at 12 +, when I'm sleeping and expect me to cheer him up.

booo. I miss the old Kelvin. ):

My nice old jiejie. but ever since he became a korkor, he totally changed like... argh.

so irritating.
all thanks to hoho and tanyanliang lah, go tease him.

so irritating.

hahahah I played gb with wenjian, yuzhou, louis, guowei, hoho and daniel yesterday.

they are so gay. =X hahahahhh. louis is irritating. he keeps telling everyone how difficult it is to partner me. hmphh.

played till like 12 plus. so funn. hahaha.

i <333 wenjian.

he's so irritating. hahahah. XP

117th Post

2005-10-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOSHH!

yuanyi and I rawk can. (:

heehh. we won. WE FINALLY WON. OMG OMG OMG! AHHHHHHHHHHH.

beehiang won ruiqi tooo!

sec one nybt '05 rawk rawk rawk. (:

yayyyyyy.

hahahah. im gonna go play gb. dun care. =P

116th Post

2005-10-21T20:23:00.000+08:00

I feel much better now, compared to this morning. (:

I learnt how to play mahjong! heeeh.

En Rui and Francis were really nicee, during chinese speech training, they treated me as if nothing happened. (: I'm so fortunate to have good friends. yay!
hahahahh.

I guess training was rather slack, seeing that I arrived late. My services were horrible! ahhh! I guess Joyce will be playing next year. Boo... I MUST TRAIN HARD.

but my hamstring hurts.

doesn't really matter anyway. heeeh.

I'LL STILL TRAIN HARD! (:

the world would seem to be a better place when you look from another point of view. wheeeeeeeeee!

to everybody.

give me some time before I can switch back to the old me kies.

I still <3 all of you. =)

115th Post

2005-10-21T13:33:00.000+08:00

currently slacking in school. The school didnt plan any activity for us so we are stuck here, doing nothing. We are supposed to practise our choral thingo though, but it doesn't really matter. hahah. at least not to 1/11.

I think I pissed off Francis and En Rui today. Francis hardly gets pissed off so I think I was really overboard today. boo. I've no idea what has gotten to me since yesterday after Nat asked me to play squash... everything just went downhill from there. So I guess, I'm not playing anymore. Since her REAL motive of asking me to play isn't to really wanna spend time with me. I don't know.

I'm so sick of the opposite sex these days. Especially from a particular school. I guess I'll DAO ALL OF THEM! hahahh. But I feel mean, haix, I don't know. >.< What should I do? I guess I'll lessen my contact with them? Because it's kinda irritating... seeing how some of them affect me so much. Maybe... I should just avoid them till I'm more matured which is like... I don't know? a few days? a few months? a few weeks? or maybe a few years?

I don't understand why they are affecting me so much. really. but right now... it seems all that I wanna do is to avoid them... so that well... I can be happier? I don't know. It's gonna be hard, but I'll try. I can do it.

stand firm. hold on. forget him.

Have you ever felt not appreciated before?

114th Post

2005-10-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

i <3 church. (:

113th Post

2005-10-15T19:20:00.000+08:00

im feeling kinda confused.

1. Her

I don't understand really. Am I supposed to? She writes many times in her blog that she doesn't have friends. I don't get it. So I'm not one?

So she has never regarded me as one?

Alina says that she probably appreciate me and stuff but really, I don't get it.

She says that she don't feel love. So I don't provide love and comfort to her?

Am I a source of entertainment? I really have to question that you know.

I am the big joke in 1/11. I don't mind that, in fact I love making people laugh. But I don't understand.

Does she regard me as one too?

Such that I don't mean anything?

Well... we both claimed that we are best friends, but suddenly, I have to doubt this. Suddenly, I recall Kelvin's words. "Maybe you two are just best friends in name." I think I agree. Well, sorry, but I don't wanna deceive you or myself any more. We aren't best friends, that's for sure.

Yes, we've been through thick and thin. But how well do we know each other? Okay, maybe you know me well enough but honestly, I don't know anything about you. Except that I should shun you when you have mood swings. You know why? Because you never shared anything with me. Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. Aren't best friends or even friends supposed to do that?

Maybe I'm sorta stereotype, but aren't best/good friends supposed to share all that? As in, you have your privacy, yes, but don't you think you are really distant from me? Most of the time I do the talking and then you go... " no comment ". I'm sorry but I really want some responses. Is that really that hard to gain? I don't understand.

I don't blame you or anything. It's just that. Open up.

I'm your best friend in name.

But I don't want that. I want to be there for you. Really.

If you could just open up.

2. Him

CZ smsed me and told me that this person treasured me. I don't know what to feel. Am I supposed to be happy? I was already in the midst of getting over all this thing and suddenly that meeting.

I wonder somehow why God has to give me so many conflicting emotions.

Aren't I better left alone? >__>

I'll be sad, yes...

I don't know.

I don't understand.

Am I supposed to be sad about this?

that I've been so weird?? =/

I was distracted in cell group today by that. Blehh. This is pulling me away.

booooooooo.

3. Family

Does she love me? Does she not? I don't know.

*bittersweet.

112th Post

2005-10-14T21:19:00.000+08:00

are you supposed to understand people when they have mood swings?

sheesh. enough of excuses.

im exhausted enough.

ive learnt to let go.

just spare me.

111th Post

2005-10-13T20:30:00.000+08:00

Today's a nice day. (:

I woke up at 8 plus, 9 plus, 10 plus and finally, 11am. At around 9, I was replying someone, then I nearly fell asleep with the phone on my hands. hahah cos I closed my eyes to think of what to reply. >.<

Following that... I went to Tiong Baru to do my new ez-link, then to Bishan to study with Jem. Actually not really study, more of doing tuition homework. Anyway, I went to popular and guess who I saw. `ashy has no emotions` I totally went BREATHLESS.

what the. I'm totally useless can? =//

Fortunately, he didnt turn back and see me using the zuowen book to hit my forehead, but I think the two RI guys behind me were wondering what the heck I was doing. boooo. I'm really comical sometimes, really. oh shoes...

Anyway, Jem soon came and rescued me while three of us walked out together. He thought I was going home by bus but actually I wasn't. heehh. but whatever.

I was struck breathless can? =// Even after he was long gone. I'm a goner really.

I did a bit of homework, really minor but I'm gonna finish the checking dictionary part later.

Oh yah, Praise THE LORD! I managed to rush back in time to get my ez-link. Wheeee. but my picture is really awful. =( but oh well... it's a lot cheaper now!

hahahahh. I like your testimonial. (:

i like simple and sweet.

woots. (:

There's training tomorrow for FOUR hours. ahhhh. lolx. I don't know what to feel. I guess I'm kinda excited! hahaha. COS IT'S TRAINING ONCE AGAIN! But there's PT tomorrow. I hope I get to lead with Tiffany again. She's really cool and a great source of motivation. My stamina has gone down but then again, I'm trusting and knowing that it's coming back and I'll be able to train.

I realise that it doesnt matter whether I make it to the team next year. All it matters is that I train hard and persevere.

ashleen, all the way, all the wayyy. ``

I feel blessed once again.

I <3 Jem
I <3 Beehiang
I <3 glycerol XP

woots. cya people. (:

GOD BLESS YOU!

110th Post

2005-10-13T19:06:00.000+08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
1) ashyyy.
2) ash
3) ashleen

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1) I was born on 18 JANUARY `92
2) I couldn't come out of my mummy's tummy
3) I scared many people because of that

THREE THINGS YOU ARE SCARED OF
1) Being friendless
2) Moody people
3) Grieving the Holy Spirit

THREE OF YOUR DAILY ESSENTIALS
1) handphone
2) computer / badminton
3) prayer

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW
1) shirt
2) shorts
3) spectacles

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICAL ARTISTS/BANDS
1) Delirious?
2) Hillsongs
3) Mcfly

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1) I laugh at lame jokes very loudly
2) I LOVE GOD.
3) Popular rawks. (what the. like no. you just meet weird people who believe that you stalked them when you are just kidding. -___________-)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES
1) Praying
2) Badminton
3) Smsing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BADLY RIGHT NOW
1) Stop resisting the temptation to do something
2) LAUGH
3) sleep

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
1) Paris
2) America
3) Rome

THREE KID NAMES YOU LIKE
1) Natalie
2) Travis
3) Eeyang (I think she'll jump for joy XP)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1) Lead everyone to Christ
2) Fulfil God's purpose in my life
3) Get married with someone I love (if it's God's will)

THREE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW
1) Jemima (woots.)
2) Beebeee *grinz.
3) SHERMAN. hahahhah.

109th Post

2005-10-13T11:58:00.000+08:00

Things to do today:

1. go create my new ez-link
2. do my li jie wen da
3. do my newspaper cutting
4. go to the beach to screaaaaaaaaaam if I have the time.

108th Post

2005-10-13T11:56:00.000+08:00

It's days like these that you wish that everything would be peaceful
because everything else is cheesing you off.

107th Post

2005-10-12T19:18:00.000+08:00

I would just like to say a big THANK YOU to mingming for making my life so much easier.

She enlarged my font on my computer by clicking... "view", "text size" and "medium".

-___________________-

I cannot explain how utterly grateful I am towards her. I no longer need to strain my precious little adorable eyes to look at super small words. (:

mingming, aishiteru. heeh. Is that how you spell that? >.< I can't even run 1km without stopping. What kind of stamina is this? =( I know. A LOUSY ONE! hmphh. I'm disappointed with myself. There's no determination at all. All I want is to stop stop and stop. boo. That's baddddd.

After that, went home with mingming to slack before going off to bowl with beehiang and natalie. boo. Nearly, 7/8 of the time, my ball didn't hit the pins at all. Oh great. ZERO. This is demoralizing. Never mind, I shall bowl more. heeeh.

Then we went calling up for jobs. woots. but all the effort's going off to the drains cause Nat gave the job to her friend who was way broke than us or rather her. like I'm not broke. I owe like a lot of people lotsa money. and now, she's like upset or irritated or whatever, I've no idea but right now, I'm too tired to do anything about it. Maybe she knows a lot about her friend's fiancial situation and she doesn't know I have BUILDING FUND, DEBTS TO PAY OFF and MONEY TO TOP UP MY EZ-LINK BECAUSE I USED IT TOO MUCH ON MACDONALDS.

like what the.

forget it. I'm not gonna take the job even if she told her friend whatever. Her friend being broke is more important. whatever.

I can't be bothered to care anymore. I'm just super cheesed off, not pissed but cheesed off. And I've got the feeling she's gonna dao/get upset/get angry/get irritated/or whatever once she read this post.

like I'm not hurt enough to read that she doesn't have close friends.

yah what am I?

invisible?

yah sure. whatever.

few people appreciate my existance.

I know GOD does though. and I love Him for that. Thank goodness He's there for me always. Or I'll just break down and go super sad and stuff.

but I know He's there for me.

because I feel Him.

People think that I'm the fortunate one. I have good friends, good grades, nice house, good spiritual life, good this good that.

Guess what? You are right. I do have good friends, good grades (actually quite average, but it's considered good since I'm so super slack), nice house (I admit it. It's prettty XP)... blah blah.
I don't have that good spiritual life okay? I'm not that spiritual. I just love God and that's all I know! XD

you think the only thing that bothers me is fatty.

yah right. I mean he does bother me but it's like so seldom.

I've friendship problems. ( don't be lame and say I don't. people just don't ask so I don't mention them )

I've BADMINTON problems. ( it's not my teammates. it's me. i'm stagnant. no progress. or rather i'm deproving. )

I've family problems.

I've stupid problems.

I've stupid problems trying to forget and stop liking some individual.

just that nobody ever bothers to ask me about them. it's always me. the one asking. but it doesn't matter. because God's helping me solve them.

and I LOVE HIM XP

I think it's probably because I know there's someone, something out there who really loves me despite it all that makes me a lot more fortunate than a lot of other individuals. hahahh.

but I follow this.

Forsaking All I Trust Him.

FAITH.

I like the song in eeyang's blog. *I'm sooo random. hahah.

Suddenly, Nat just doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

Suddenly, talking about God seems to cheer me up.

It always does!!!

CZ, you know that right? =)

I just want everyone out there to know that I ask for forgiveness in whatever I've done wrong. I'm sorry. It's up to you to doubt my sincerity, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I've asked for your forgiveness. but then again, I really hope you accept my apology.

Oh yah. I like chinese tuition. My chinese tutor rawks, though I've gotta spend the whole of tomorrow doing her homework. I've two zuo wens, li jie wen da and some newspaper thingo. But she's still cool. =) She tells me about the latest news. woots. And they are sooo interesting. hahaha. because I haven't touch the English newspaper for weeks. woots.

I love myself. lalala~

- right now, all that matters is self-love and love for GOD. -

*bittersweet. eeyang I <3 your bloggie music. wheeeeeee!

106th Post

2005-10-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

things to do for holidays:
1. lose 5 KILOGRAMS.
2. play
- badminton
- gunbound
- golf
- basketball
- tennis
- squash
3. swimming
4. cycling
5. joggling
6. watch movies/DVDs/CDs
7. bowling
8. shopping/window shopping
9. chinese/maths tuition
10. write fanfiction
11. meet old people up
12. get to know nat/jem more
13. attend jem's church
14. do more quiet time
15. bible study
16. rollar blading
17. ice-skating
18. learn japanese
19. teach at childcare
20. work
21. join church ministry
22. skipping
23. SLEEP.
24. take care of my complexion
25. clean my room
26. continue saving for my building fund
27. build up stamina
28. get him out of my mind.

105th Post

2005-10-08T09:20:00.000+08:00

7 things that scare me:
(1) bad exam results
(2) no replies from people
(3) moody people
(4) not doing something useful
(5) ghost movies
(6) moody guys
(7) a computer breakdown

7 things that I like the most:
(1) JESUS
(2) fatty*
(3) doing something useful
(4) receiving smses (esp from fatty)
(5) laughing
(6) my friends
(7) going to CHURCH and SERVICE!

7 important things in my room:
(1) computer
(2) bed
(3) bible
(4) stereo
(5) handphone
(6) badminton racquet
(7) clothes

7 random facts about me:
(1) I <33 fatty. (that's super obvious but whatever)
(2) I get freaked out easily
(3) I dislike losing control of myself
(4) I'm possessive and compeititive
(5) I know my laughter sounds evil
(6) I like presents
(7) I broke some crystal thingo worth 'very expensive' in takashimaya before and I was quite dead then.

7 things I plan to do before I die:
marry FATTY! (kidding!)
(1) fufill God's purpose in my life
(2) find my soulmate
(3) love God to an extent that nothing can take me away from Him
(4) live happily
(5) go swimming again
(6) hug all the people around me (I don't mind kissing some `ashy grins` )
(7) SCREAMMM

7 things I can do:
(1) type quite fast?
(2) laugh at the lamest jokes around
(3) play badminton
(4) get fat easily
(5) reply smses fast
(6) on webcam for you if you ask
(7) attract people's attention

7 things I can't do:
(1) dao people for a long time
(2) laugh at funny jokes (because half the time, I don't get them)
(3) get 100 for maths `ashy frowns at sherman`
(4) concentrate for more than 1h
(5) tell people straight in the face what exactly is their problem
(6) stop looking at my phone to check for smses
(7) stop liking fatty (I know, wth right? ^_^)

7 things I say the most:
(1) crapp
(2) oh my gosh
(3) shut up
(4) I'm sick of this
(5) what the
(6) he's sooo cute
(7) but I'm cuter

7 celebrity crushes:
(1) edison chen
(2) nicholas tse
(3) daniel wu
(4) shaun yue
(5) won bin
(6) draco malfoy
(7) rain

7 people who could do this:
(1) beehiang
(2) mingming
(3) changzhong
(4) jemima
(5) eeyang
(6) robin
(7) priscilla

104th Post

2005-10-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

Today. -____________-

I wanted to wake up at 5am to continue studying for geography, however I couldn't get out of the bed. Oh gosh. =// too fatt. hahahahh.

Then I slept to 6.07am, that's 7 minutes past the time I'm supposed to wake up. Anyway, I went to brush my teeth blah blah blah. I started once again to mug the agriculture of geography. Seriously, it's horrible to study in the morning, but I've learnt my lesson.

never. mug. geography. last minute.

I have never chiong for final years before. This is the first time and I don't ever wanna repeat it again. It's miserable. really.

=// BELIEVE ME!

hahahhh. Anyway, went to school, half mugging, half dreaming.

oh. thanks Mingming for suaning me. -_____________-

It's really necessary that you tell me that you watched three movies the day before and that you finished geography two weeks ago. >.< shoot you! hahahhh.

The geography paper was quite alright, I guess. There were a few questions that I didn't know how to do, but oh well... let's not dwell on that.

Then we checked out CA2 marks. My results were kinda average I guess. But Ester was screaming that I beat her in Lang Arts and that she's not happy at all about it. -___________-

hahahhah. I LIKE THAT FACE! =P

Ester just works too hard sometimes.

Natalie was reading some book so I didn't really talk to her. Guess she did last minute mugging last night? =//

Kaiqi was as cute as ever. wahahah XP

Anyway, went to Long John Silver at J8 with Chou Yun and Jemima to eat. WHEEEE! There was this irritating guy from Kuo Chuan Sec who kept imitating me. I remember him from playing basketball. Boo. Then Jemina kept laughing at him. -______- I mean like... this type of people aren't worth my attention. I've no frickin idea what the thing he's doing.

oh well... can't be bothered. I've just realised that Chou Yun and Jemima have many friends. >.< They were like saying hi so many times. lolx. After eating, (that weird KCSS guy said bye bye to us, very. annoying.) we went to the community center. then blah blah.

I couldn't concentrate. My mind was just messed up. So I went outside with Jem to talk a bit. Blahh. Share kinda many things with her. As I poured myself out, even though I'm well aware that she's lost in her own world, I began to realise how selfish I have been.

It isn't supposed to be selfish. booo.

Then went back, took a piece of paper from my notebook and started writing weird stuff. hahahahh. I freaked Jem and Chou Yun out. I guess it was really kinda different from how I appear to be.

Then as I wrote, I just began penning down all the things I was going to do as much as the fact that I don't want to do any of them. But see.

It isn't supposed to be selfish.

Then I just tore them apart after finishing with them. >.<

Many resolutions were made.

I'll just pray I'll have the strength to stand firm.

Following that, I couldn't study anymore so I went to J8 with Jem. And we were looking at skirts and stuff. hahahahhh. I like LIFEBOOK STORE! It's like my favourite place in J8, besides 77th Street that is. heeh. =X It's really cool as I browse through the bibles and sang along with the song by hillsongs which they played.

Oh. We went to watch some farnie spiderman thingo which was on the screen. It was hilarious. The old granny was like gonna die. ahhahah

Darn funny. I couldn't stop laughing.

then Jem said I was sadistic.

I am not! hahaha

It was simply hilarious.

HAHAHAHHH!

Okay never mind.

She was sitting there, staring at her phone with a blank face. She knew she wasn't supposed to let herself with tempted, but she just couldn't help herself. Time past by, while she did nothing but stare.Then...

I DIDNT SEE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT. AHHH.

Did she?

Did she not?!

Oh man... hahaha. Who cares! X)

oh oh oh! I TALKED TO THIS MYSTERIOUS FARNIE GUY LAST NIGHTTT AHAHHA. but then I didn't reply his sms until now. He told he was watching cartoon network. -_________- ahhhh. lolx. then I didn't know what to say. hahahahah

ooo. I'm left with Science and Maths paper 1. Woots. what to do what to do? lalala~~

OH YAH! As I was on the bus, I saw some really cute girls. hahahahh. One was reciting the numbers. 1, 2, 3, 4... blah blah... then then... she didnt know 40!!! hahahah. so cute. `ashy grins`

There was another one. XP kinda fat malay girl who had chocolate all over her face. Oh mann. She kept moving around, couldn't keep still. ahahahh.

AHHHHH. I DIDN'T SEE ANY CUTE GUYS TODAY! =(

hahahhh. =P oh oh. the first girl's brother is kinda cute though. Maybe 3 years old? heeh.

woots. I love myself. hahahhah. -__________- I've no idea what I'm talking about. cya peeps.

`ashy hugs all those who read this post`

<33 MYSELF! wheee. I'll analyse that irony thingo again, when I've time. heeh. =)

103th Post

2005-10-06T20:09:00.000+08:00

Im supposed to mug geog right now but I'm half dead. oh wells. I'll mug later. haix.

everything seems to be going wrong.
memories of us seem to continuously flash in my head.
is it supposed to be like that? I don't understand. It seems so weird. I thought I did but I didn't.
I miss you. a lot.
I know I'm supposed to be selfless, but I'm confused. Anyway, you wouldn't want it, so I won't. hah.
I'm so frickin sick of this.
I'm not going to be selfish. Life is still going to be the same.
but. I realise the only way I can get over you is to break contact with you.
But it'll still be the same. Because it's supposed to be unselfish.

102th Post

2005-09-29T19:30:00.000+08:00

Heyyy. How's everyone doing? I hope fine. hahaha, though you guys probably arent. I've to start studying once again at about 7.45 so that I can have 21hours.

I'm seriously stressed and confused.

Stressed because life seems to be so meaningless.

Not because of some stupid reason like studies. I'm not gonna let it stressed me. hahahahh. But ironically, it's one of the factors stressing me now.

I really want to glorify God. boo. But I'm afraid that I won't be able to achieve that. However, I'm just gonna try and try and have FAITH IN HIM. Because "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me." Philppians 4:13
heeh. I'm gonna share that verse for my offering message this Saturday.

I have no idea what I'm blabbering about.

Anyway, more about the emotional areas of my life.

You know how everytime you want something and you can never get it? I'm watching you go offline and come online. Oh you just started a conversation with me. hahahahh.

Oh goshh. My maid just seriously scared me senseless. lolx. I'm supposed to drink like a 800ml bottle of herbal tea. ahhhhh! =( heeh.

As I was saying, you know how everytime God just seem to shut the doors for someone to enter your life and you can't help noticing that it's superrrr obvious. You know how everytime love is supposed to be unselfish and you are always supposed to be thinking for the other person. Do you know the feeling of having to put your first priority on top of your second, despite it all?

and do you know how horrible herbal tea tastes?

It's horrible. really. =/

I shared my situation with my mum. I'm accountable to her now. I feel so relieved. I hope I can bring her back to Christ. heeh. =)

Do you know the feeling of wanting to talk to someone but yet you are sorta uncertain and maybe... scared?

Have you ever felt that you were giving someone false hope and you know that it's wrong and you should stop it, but you can't help it?

Do you know the feeling of having to control yourself to resist temptions?

Do you know how horrible it is?

Do you know the feeling of ending something you never wanted to end?

Blehhh... But I'm gonna do all that because it isn't the best for you and it isn't God glorifying.

I hope you'll never feel the feeling of being desperate. because it's horrible.

Anyway... as many one-eleveners should know, especially those frequently online. Ting Yin has reportedly talked about me being mean to her.

I've plenty of comments about this. But I'll just hope that God will just wash away all that feelings.

I don't know what to do honestly. To apologize or not. blehhh.

<3 you guys lots.

im tired.

just pick me up.

im sorry.

just forgive me.

im lost.

just find me.

im emotionless.

just give me some feelings.

im sad.

just don't let go of me..

101th Post

2005-09-28T17:52:00.000+08:00

I JUST WANNA THANK HEAVENLY FATHER FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME!

for providing me with Joshua Harris' book "I kissed Dating Goodbye"

for providing me with utmost comfort everytime I sleep

for giving the discipline when I study (though sometimes I do slack off but it's because I didnt pray for his guidence before I begin)

for giving me good friends

for letting me understand the difference between intimacy and friendship through the book

for letting me honour Him

for letting Jesus die on the Cross for us so that our sins are cleansed by his blood

for loving me always

for letting me understand Him better

for helping me understand that looks isn't everything

and that everything I do should glorify Him and Him always

=) I just wanna love him more and more.

tell the world that JESUS lives.
tell the world that
tell the world that
tell the world that He died for us
tell the world that HE LIVES AGAIN!

woots. for everyone out there studying for their EOYs (end of years just in case you thought it was that donkey in winnie the pooh) JIAYOU!

AND MAY GOD ALWAYS BE WITH YOU. ALWAYS.

I LOVE YOU GUYS! woots.

100th Post

2005-09-22T18:56:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOSH... HAHAHHAH! My 100th Post! yippieee! =)

Anyway, today is a nice nice day. =) hahahhah. weird eh? I woke up reluctantly, went to school and began doing some stuff. Then we had lessons blah blah blah. Liu Lao Shi is really really really nice. She stayed back to teach us how to use the chinese dictionary. heeh. So nice yeah? =) hahahah. Then Francis, Enlin and I went to KAP to sorta mug, but in the end, we were slacking and eating and laughing all the way. And then we saw Enrui and her supposedly 'brother'. Boos.
hahah. I'm moving on... =)
Then Enlin and Francis started smsing him. blehh. I couldn't really be bothered. After all, it didnt matter anymore, did it? Oh yah... I saw this really cool blog. hahahah. >.<

Anyway, thanks everyone for tagging my little taggie and I shall respond to your tags here, cause the tagboard will be congested with my replies if I don't. =P

crazy sin - let's runnnn the last lap together... hahaha. dun slack. =P

tiffany - yes, my dear captain, I will practise my skipping, even though I still dislike it, I accept it. heeh

mingming - thanks a lot girl. you really rawk my world. heeh, especially after helping me count the number of double skips I was doing. =P

sherman - >.< hahahhahh. So I see you saw them. heeh. and you still visit my blog!!! =P hahaha. yay. =)

beehiang - yay. buzzzzzzz! hahahahhh. no worries, I won't! thanks anyway. =) hahahah. you've been so supportive. hahahahhh.

CZ - hahahah. thanks a lot. =P

NNYY - YES YES YES! HAHAHAHH. We'll KILL and DUMP them. wheeee. =P hahahahhah.

the day is turning out really well...
and i'm getting over you, don't worry.
PRAISE THE LORD.
i realised you aren't worth it.
for humans disappoint but He won't ever.
for i'm worth much more than what you have given me.
I just want to get closer to you Lord... I'm beautifully yours forever. =)
but thanks for everything. =) je t'aime. merci de tout.

99th Post

2005-09-20T18:21:00.000+08:00

Things. I'll. never. say.
getlostyou.
lalala~ Today's normal. I feel normal, acting normal, laughing normally, chatting normally, running normally... whatever.
iknowitmeansnothingtoyou.
I just had to have my mood messed up at the end of the day, when I was asked a question. Oh gosh, spare me. I'm sick of everything, just spare me kies? I don't wanna talk about anything anymore. Please people, understand me. Everything just appears so sick these days.
buthowcanyou?
hahahah. I love laughing.
blehh.imgettingoveryou.fast.
green day's HOLIDAY pounding my eardrums.
getridofallthispain. iwantnothingtodowithyou.
I like it. greenday's cool. heehe. =P I walk alone. I walk alone.
imgonnagetridofallthispain.
The dragon show is ending. boos. >.< hahahh. I'm mad. I'm crazy.
imbitter.
but I'll be fine.
iwishweneverhappened
Because God's there for me.

98th Post

2005-09-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

Heyyy everybody! woots. the Final year is coming so let's run the best for the last lap yeah? =) wheeee! hahahhah. We can succeed together. And NYBT SEC ONES' 05, like LITTLE BEE has said... TOGETHER WE STRIVE. =)

Today's so cool. =)

Firstly, I woke up in the morning with the wet wet weather. hahahh, felt like going back to sleep, but I couldn't. =P Then I went to my uncle's condo to exercise. Blehhh. hahahha. I ran chao ji slow... =P Then I went to my uncle's house. My aunt was at home. Oh my so funny, she was stroking her lo han yu, then when the fish jumped, she was elated. lolx. =P I went there to bathe anyways.

Yuppp. Then it my grandmum's house to just drop off my dirty clothes before marching to church. Anyway, Jasmine lend me this book on relationship by JOSHUA HARRIS which I found that it was really good. It's called... "SAY HELLO COURTSHIP" =P

I know I'm sorta underaged for this book, but I believe that God really spoke to me through this book. It's just something I could feel stirring within me as I read it. And well... it changed my life, so if you guys are wondering why that there was a change in my life recently... this is your answer: the things written in the book.

It's just that... all of the sudden, I have this spiritual hunger for GOD. to know Him more... understand Him... and of course... to LOVE HIM truly and whole-heartedly. Perhaps... it's due to saturday's cell group. And it's true you know... I could really feel God's presense yesterday. My hands were shaking... soooo badly. HE was there... He was there, watching us. And like every prayer being fulfiled, our lives are change everytime after cell group. That's the power of prayer. heehe.

Anyway, went for service. We had a special speaker today. Rev. Dr Richard Roberts. hahahah. He's a real cool man as in the tales he shares with us. Blehh. don't feel like blogging leh. byee byee. lalala~

97th Post

2005-09-17T19:12:00.000+08:00

HILLSONGS - One Way
Album: More Than Life (2004)

I lay my life down at your feet
You're the only one I need
I turn to you and you are always there
In troubled times its you I seek
I put you first thats all I need
I humble all I am,
All to you
One wayJesus

You're the only one that I could live for
One WayJesus
You're the only one that I could live for
You are always, always there
Every how and everywhere

Your grace abounds so deeply within me
You wil never ever change
Yesterday today the same
Forever till forever meets no end
One wayJesus
You're the only one that I could live for
One WayJesus

You're the only one that I could live for
You are the way the truth and the life
We live by faith and not by sight ... for you
We're living all for you

96th Post

2005-09-17T18:42:00.000+08:00

Blehhh. I feel sian-ed now, but once I bath... I'm gonna mug like mad once again.

haH. I just came back from cell group. As usual, it was great. Yi Lun gave a good sermon about the POWER of God.

REVELATION: God's presense is everywhere but his power is localised.

EXAMPLE: When Pastor calls for alter call, the alter is where God's power is totally concentrated on. God's presense is EVERYWHERE, but his power is at the alter. So it's different when you stand at your seat and at the alter.

Anyway, monday's RENA'S birthday! YAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENA! Though I don't think any of the E302 people, maybe except korkor junyi reads this but still... =)

Anyway, yesterday was so tiring.

We had pccg lesson in the morning. Then Ms Wong called for me to conduct a class meeting. Seriously, I think it's a waste of time, she might as well conduct the whole meeting. Anyway, Priscilla and Enrui seemed to be targeting each other a lot. blehh... We talked about some class unity stuff and how to accept each other. Complete waste of time.

We had art. Pris was irritating Nat like madness. Nat had that dark look on her face. hehhe. Then I was like. "Nat, relax girl, relax" Anyway, we did clay. It's a bit of fun, but then again, I prefer music, where we sit there and slack and sing. whahah. PLUS. the musicroom is air-conditioned while the artroom isn't. boos.

OH YES OH YES! I must tell everyone this. I realised that when I'm busy, example thursday's night (sci sia), I tend to forget everything that I don't want to think about. Oh sheesh. Anyway, I think I got the remedy. wahaha. so proud of myself. =)

Anyway, after art, blahhh. nothing much.

WE HAD BADMINTON! yippieee. =)

I missed playing it! boos. =)

I wanna do PT! yay! Anyways, I got the skipping rope from tiffany to skip during the weekends. bleh. sucks lah. Saturday is almost over. Anyway... FRIENDS, if at 1opm I don't reply, I'm doing my quiet time. heeh. =)

I'M GONNA BE MORE SPIRITUAL! YEAH! hahahah.

1. I'm gonna join a ministry after exams
2. I'm gonna do my quiet time
3. I'm gonna invite more friends to church
4. I'm gonna LOVE JESUS forever.

I'm not gonna be so desperate anymore. hehhehh. =) beehiang you know what I mean. And I'M NOT GONNA LOSE TO THAT BET WE HAVE. =P NEVAH. I'm not gonna let myself down. I can do it. You owe me one packet of sushi. wahahah.

And for you... >.<

Let's keep going even when you are sec three yeah? =)

95th Post

2005-09-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

ohmyshyt. I've just realised what I've gotten myself into. shoots. I'm gonna find the remedy. really. It's just... getting unhealthy. okay gtg. I just had tuition by the way.

Wah. thanks beehiang... nice flooding of my taggie. hahah

94th Post

2005-09-14T19:01:00.000+08:00

blehh.

wait. firstly.
THANKS BEEHIANG for your bio book! I really needed it and I was so happy when you brought it to school today. lolx. Sorry if I'm so insincere. I totally forgot about it. I haven't mug bio yet. hahH.

Anyway...

I just wanted to say sorry, pris and...maybe harris? Because firstly, I don't think I should have told you that you should have cheat back on him. Though I know you won't. Cause you aren't that mean as I am. Anyway. yahh. That's what I would do if I was faced with your situation. But then again... I would never be able to do it. I guess... wait... I know I'm in no position in lecturing you about this... because I too, am at a disadvantage. You know what I mean. If you don't, you can clarify tomorrow. so yahh. I've gtg. cyaa. sorry once again.

93th Post

2005-09-14T18:14:00.000+08:00

because je t'aime JE T'AIME! YOU GET IT?! BECAUSE JE T'AIME!

gosh. I need some space. `ashy runs off`

`ashy runs back with a packet of milo`

I'm sitting here. stoning. gosh Isn't it ironic? A girl claiming that she wont ever stone, is stoning. Don't remind me about it. Natalie injected that truth into my head today.

I'm S-T-O-N-I-N-G.

Anyway, today was pretty much the same. I couldn't get out of the bed in the morning but managed to only after 5 minutes. I was so tempted to skip school... but then again, I'm attempted to skip school everyday. wahahha.

Messaged someone in the morning but I didn't get a reply till much later. Okay, maybe not much later, I guess I'm just quite I don't know. >.< Then... we had two free hours today! lolx. so cool eh? yah. I know. I was waiting for the reply for like two hours, only to realised that I didn't send my message. oh man. great.

Then I didn't frickin receive a reply till I sent another one 4 hours later.

Oh by the way, thank you for the book SarahPor. hahhah.

Oh yes, it's an interesting morning. I was trying to tell priscilla to break up with harris. I've got a feeling, however, he's gonna kill me. blehhh. spam someshyt in my tagboard or whatever. gosh.

I CAN'T BE BOTHERED.

I've literally lost my ability to care.

IF you ever read this, though I doubt you would. Actually, I know the first two days of the term really was horrible for you, but hang in there kies? really. I'm suffering just as much. just silently. things are as sad for me as they are for you. but I can't bear to tell you anything, because two sad people doesn't make anything happier. So I rather just be there for you... making vain attempts to cheer you up. :) but then again... I'm willing all the same.

because ik houd van u. =P

Anyways, I think Pris was pissed with me during IPW lesson. blehhh. cause I kept asking her questions. haix. just in case you read this Pris, I'm sorry that I was so irritating but I would appreciate if you stop asking me to shut up.

Because you being pushed to the limit doesn't mean I can't.

And I know you don't give a damn about what I do, but just to let you know; I don't have to tolerate you.

Oh gosh. If she reads this, she'll get pissed off. for sure.

but. wth. I just love adding fuel to the boiling oil or whatever it is.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

asked if you needed a break from me. I mean afterall... maybe I'm irritating you or something. I mean... a break from me. as in really. I don't know. since you're so down and all. well... I couldn't bear to actually. I mean... I still have the feelings inside of me. You said 'I need a break from EVERYTHING!'. For that moment, I thought it was the end. but... you later said no. I was relieved, but you said I could still be there for entertaining. so I wanna ask you. Is that all?! A FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT. spare me will you? gosh. you hurt. really.

and you know why I asked for a break even though I didn't want one? Because I knew I wanted to be there for you, but that is only if... you wanted me there too.

Gosh. if you ever read this. I'm dead trash. argh. forget it. blehhh.

92th Post

2005-09-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

isawyoutoday.booimissyoualreadynow.i'llbeyoursalways.promise.

hahhah. today's a good day! =) I couldn't wake up in the morning though. then I had a talk with Tiffany. Sheesh, I thought I was doomed but no, she actually wanted to talk to me about my attitude towards skipping. boo. hahah. yay! I feel refreshed. I'm gonna try my best! whehe.

Then we had lessons. No mass dance due to the fact that Chen Lili was in China. wahahah. Hope she has a safe trip. heeh. =) She's kinda nice actually... lolx. though quite weird. =X boo. then then.. we had lang arts. nothing much lah. then went to Bishan to do something with Jem. hehe. *winks at Jem*

Anyways. gtg byeee.

91th Post

2005-09-12T18:55:00.000+08:00

hAH I'm cheating again. =)

hui min said I looked like a gangster with the sunglasses. lolx.

do I?

- yes.

- but then again, I'm just another retarded school girl who looks so frickin not-innocent. heeeh.

i think i look constipated. lolx. dunno why.

God bless. =)

90th Post

2005-09-12T18:37:00.000+08:00

This is such a ridculously weird day and I don't know why. Just felt like using the word 'ridiculous'. Oh, did I spell it right by the way?

My voice is like terrible. I sound so guyly. =/ hahahah.

I like Mr Mactintosh. lolx. Nat and I are gonna plot how we can be his god-daughters so we can enter his big big house in Scotland. sheesh. heeeh. =) I took some random pictures again. >.<

- it just keeps ticking. never stopping.

- i dont really have a lot of clothes, do i? =)

- what's up?

- the light at the end of the bedroom.

-____________- okayyy. I'm really bored. so people, please update your bloggie. aha! Today's history lesson was cool. Mrs Kuan said I was cute. hahaha. as an example and half the class choked their lungs out.

some vomitted.

but never mind. it's okayyy. =) just as long as I believe I'm cute, I'm cute. heeehh. Then we also had Chinese. So messed up. My li jie wen da gonna flunk just like that `ashy snaps her fingers`.

poof.

and it's 0/0.

0.O I'm being lame again.

some pictures before I end the post again. =)

- gosh. how long was this? I think pri 5? heeehe. So now you know how toot-ed I look in pri 5. Anyway, that's huang. heeeh. She looks the same to me.

- how come i've got ultraman bedsheets?!

89th Post

2005-09-10T17:59:00.000+08:00

absence makes the heart fonder. don't you agree?

88th Post

2005-09-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

Some nice pictures. =)

-How I keep my fingernails clean and nice. =)

-the saver amidst the heat

-feel the pressure. keep the beat.

-that's where i want you. in the bin.

-complicated.

-there's no nice title for this. it's just my new phone cover. hahah!

-keep going. or you'll lose out.

gosh. ahhh havent done my work. byeee. =P

87th Post

2005-09-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

Gosh I feel so much better now. =) hahah

Anyway, I woke up at 11am, due to the fact that I couldn't sleep last night. Don't blame me. I've no idea why these days I've been like that. =( I slept about 1am last night? lolx. Then smsed Nat, Kel and Somebody. Gosh then somebody fell asleep and I was left all alone. So I msged Nat in chinese! lolx. So cool, then she replied back in chinese! At this rate, our chinese is GONNA IMPROVE! I'm sure Liu lao shi would like that. (".) hahhah then Kel msged me at 4am. =/

I went to see the doctor with my maid in the 'morning'. Bleahs. I feel kinda guilty. My maid has sore eyes now and my mother just alienate us. Doesn't she understand? Sore eyes doesn't spread by sight! Gosh... she's just sooo irritating sometimes. argh. Then I went out with Beehiang to Orchard to study. so cool. lolx. We studied for like 4h? hahah. quite a good record. =) Then then I listened to her ipod. lolx. so cool. Should I get one too? XP I'm not so sure yet though. lolx.

Then as we were going back, we saw this little girl rolling on the floor, outside the elevator. OMG. hahah it was sooo amusing. lolx. Then then we went our separate ways and I took the Mrt to Bedok to meet Josephine to collect some stuff. Oh gosh. I'm scared about tomorrow. =/

Anyways, then I returned home and got pissed at my sister for not lending me her bio book. I sounded so fierce when I told her "And DON'T EVER ASK ME TO LEND YOU ANYTHING, CAUSE I WONT!" then I slammed the door and went to the toilet to bathe, but actually, I was kinda feeling neutral. lolx. Cos I knew that beehiang would lend me her mothers. heehh. =P

OMG. ahhh. ROBIN'S CHEATING. He has sooo many posts. OH NO! I SHALL POST MORE!
lolx.

Anyway, yah I felt sooo fruitful after the study session. But I've found out that studying is a very unhealthy habit, because it causes people to be FAT FAT FAT and and and... it's FAT. gosh. I like gained two kilograms. I'm going on a diet. full stop. . . lolx

hahah. yah. then then omg. at bedok, while waiting for josephine right? There was this lady who looked me up and down. oh gosh. lolx. =/ oh yah. gtg leh. byeeee.

86th Post

2005-09-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

This totally rawks. Found this in beehiang's blog from eeyang's blog. heheh

20 friends name required - do not attempt to view the questions below before filling in the names

1. kelvin
2. changzhong
3. mingming
4. beehiang
5. yuanyi
6. yanliang
7. natalie
8. sherman
9. eeyang
10. alina
11. woonyang
12. zhi jie
13. grace
14. priscilla
15. samantha r.
16. jemima
17. leo huang
18. nicole
19. lili
20. aaron

How did you meet 13?

Ans: In primary school, then I met her? I forget really. =/

What would you do if you never met 5?

Ans: I'll miss knowing a nice tall and THIN girl. :)

What do you honestly think of 10?

Ans: She's really sweet and nice and STRONG! hahah. But sometimes, she expects too much of herself. yah.

Have you ever liked no.3?

Ans: I still like her as a very good friend. lolx.

If 1 died tomorrow, what is 1 thing that you would like to do?:

Ans: Errr. Hold his hand and squeeze it?

Would 2 and 11 make a good couple?

Ans: No. They are straight. goodness.

Do you think 12 is hot?

Ans: Hmmm.. nope. I think HE'S VERY HOT. lolx.

Would 1 and 17 make a lovely couple?

Ans: Hey, ya know what? Actually quite leh. lolx. Cos they are quite similar. lolx.

Tell me something humiliating about 11.

Ans: Errr... I'm not really that close to him so yah. lolx.

Do you know any of 3's family members?

Ans: Not really. But I've seen her daddy before.

On a scale of 1-10 how cute is 14?

Ans: 10. She's really cute. trust me. lolx.

What would you do if 4 just professed his/her undying love for you?

Ans: I'll brush it off. She's a straight girl, people.

What language does 19 speak?

Ans: Weirdish English. (one of its kind, very very unique) =)

Who is 8 going out with?

Ans: Hahah. Should I say? lolx. His mother. -.-

Would 18 and 5 make a good couple?

Ans: They make good teammates. Not good couple.

When was the last time you talked to 5?

Ans: I think three days before. On the phone for a while, cause have to tell her the NYBT announcement.

What is 1's favorite band?

Ans: I don't think he likes bands. Maybe hillsongs? hahah. He prefers anime.

Would you ever date 16?

Ans: If I were a guy? No thanks. lolx.

Would you ever date 7?

Ans: If I were a guy? No.

Is 15 single?

Ans: HAH. no.

What is 19's last name?

Ans: ChenLili LOLX! No lah, erm... Hooi Li

What school does 16 go to?

Ans: Nanyang Girls' High School

What school does 1 go to?

Ans: Raffles Institution

Where does 9 live?

Ans: Boo. I never asked. lolx.

Would you make out with 13?

Ans: Even if I were a guy? NO.

Are 5 and 6 best friends?

Ans: No. They don't even know each other's existance.

Is 20 older than you?

Ans: Nope. I'm older by a few months.

Is 4 the sexiest bitch alive?

Ans: She can be. lolx.

85th Post

2005-09-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

I'm cheating but whatever. =P

hahah oh gosh. I was browsing through my old email's folders.. and I found a really cheesy poem I wrote for the teachers. No wonder that Mr Liew was smirking at me while I was doing the Aces day exercise.

gosh.

Learning from you was
one of the greatest honour I ever had.
Your sparkle of light in your eyes
often made me smile like winning a thousand bucks
You brightened up my day
Just by saying “Good morning, Class!”
Though sometimes the response
wasn’t what you called enthuastic

Eating chicken rice
I thought of what you said
Reflected deeply in my heart
Those words may hurt
But often it brings my joy and laughter

Writing this poem,
I wish I could express it to you.
I know, I do know
I understand, I do understand
Words of scolding was never be kept in my mind
But reflected deeply in my hearts.
Just to let you know,
As stubborn as I may,
As offensive as I may,
As rude as I may,
Words of anger was never meant to come out
So don’t keep it in mind
And disturb your smile.

Because it is….
TEACHERS’ DAY!

Oh gosh. I wanna dig myself into a hole and lay buried there. Oh gosh. What type of poem is this? And I was pri 6. and what has CHICKEN RICE GOT TO DO WITH TEACHER'S DAY?! -.- oh goodness.

-.- I'm never gonna be a poet.

save me. -.-

84th Post

2005-09-06T10:36:00.000+08:00

you know why you should never get a little brother?

cos someday they'll turn up look like...

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/ashleennn/Temasek011.jpg

-that's chao scary. i mean the one on the right. =) not TC.

and you know why a cow and karby is always better?

cos...

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/ashleennn/2004_1119Image0156.jpg

they look so cuteee. =) MOO.

83th Post

2005-09-06T10:26:00.000+08:00

you know why you should never get sore eyes?

here's why.

before.

-You look okay, because you have eyes!

after.

- See why you shouldn't get sore eyes? It's because you'll have to wear your mum's GUCCI sunglasses and look super old and poser. gosh..

save me.

82th Post

2005-09-05T11:30:00.000+08:00

Oh gosh. I've got sore eyes. for the first time in my life. I seriously promise you it sucks. I have like one big eye and one small eye. Gosh. Fortunately, there isn't school or I seriously promise you I won't attend it. I look hideous really. Gosh. I am not going anywhere with this eye! >.< Boo. Seriously, it sucks. =/

Everytime I sleep, there is like eye shyt and er... my eyelashes are like wet. Kinda pretty but because of the size and the redness of my eye. It's seriously disgusting. Boo. Don't talk about it.

Let me update you on a few stuff... Firstly, about the hamster dying in my pencilbox on 2nd Sep '05. For more information, please visit

http://www.mixedupsanity.blogspot.com/ * francis

http://porpawz.diaryland.com/050903_10.html *sarahpor

Francis has a more elaborated version of what happened so yesh. And SARAHPOR IS taboldish. IM A VICTIM TOO OKAY!

hmph.

Talk aboout pooor hamster. what about POOORRRRR ASHLEENNN. argh.

Next, I would like to congrat Robin on the very good effort of taking Sherman's picture.

To view picture, please go.

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1851/373/1600/P1010032.jpg *cuteshermanpic.

hahah. I think he looks older. hahah. Hey! It's a compliment! >.< It shows that he's more MATUREDDD. =)

Okayyy. Let me list my homework left:

1. Science SIA
2. Science Practice Qns
3. CL WS
4. Science Past Yr Exam
5. Finish History Ws
6. Artwork
7. Unseen Prose
8. Maths Paper

SHHHHHHYT. I totally hateeee maths. And YOU, yes you, have to help me. (''.)

Okayyy. gtg byeee.

P.S. WHY IS EVERYONE MUGGING?!

81th Post

2005-09-02T20:19:00.000+08:00

"The higher your expectations, the more you are prone to disappointment."

Don't you agree with this sentence?

I do.

and I'm gonna lose you, because I don't think it's gonna work anymore.

80th Post

2005-09-01T18:54:00.000+08:00

wooots. 80th post. I am sooo behind Sherman and Robin, but oh well, does it really matter? =P I'm watching the 7pm as I am typing this. Today's so cool!

I woke up 6.30am. I know so loser right? But oh well, I couldn't help it, I had to. Due to the fact that I had science sia at 10am. However, my project partners and I only started at 11am. -.- We had to saw the bottle but those people in school were so cool, they helped us! lol we sawed one segment in like 30 minutes? and guess how long they took? 5 minutes! =/ Oh yah, I fell on my butt on the steps, while walking towards the eco pond. The floor was wet you see. =/ and it still hurts. =( Then Nat's hamster crawled out of the box.

Then we couldn't find it. =(

Haix.

Later, I met Beehiang and we went to J8 to watch THE MAID. Oh my gosh, it sucks lah. I covered my eyes most of the time. I couldn't stand it! ahhh then it was so humliating, cause I screamed twice like a total bimbo. Then the aunties behind were like laughing at me. =( so sad. lolx. then after that Beehiang was laughing like mad at me. sad.

But it wasn't my fault! I just can't stand it. So scary. boos. =/

Then we went to MACs to eat and study. >.< I'm gaining weight, so I'm gonna lose from now on! boo. =(

wheee! gtg le. byeee!

79th Post

2005-08-31T18:18:00.000+08:00

don'tyouworryman.imneverrrrgonnatrustyouagain.andshutthatidioticmouthofyours.

idislikeyouforbetrayingme.